whims

The Road

2010-11-18T13:46:00.000-08:00

The road is long, winding, exhausting, thrilling, nauseating, droning, fulfilling.

I have taken the road to many places. The road has taken me too.

For the first time, I doing it myself.

Midge and I packed up all we own and drove back to Nebraska in a rolling 10' moving van. We visited Walla Walla. The leaves gave us their most regal welcome. I drank a "Chai Charger", visited friends, and reminisced about the good folks and silly times freshman year shared with me. A model UN or major debate tournament was going on. I couldn't tell if those sleek kids, for they were clearly kids, were in high school or in college. And then I felt old.

I drove through the beautiful Blue Mountains, thinking that eastern Washington or Oregon might not be such a bad place to finally settle down, just that I'd have to pick a town not dominated by LDS or 7th day adventists. Landing in Logan, UT at Katie and Kishor's traveler's spa, we climbed down from our longest drive yet in the truck and rested our weary eyes, filled our hungry bellies and took (just me) a very needed bath. Katie and Kishor were amazing hosts. AMAZING. Something to aspire to. They talked about how they had a hard time finding an apartment before they were married because the town is so Mormon. The buses don't run on Sundays. People don't really drink coffee. That was a shocker coming from Seattle....don't drink coffee? How do you survive?!? I remember the guy on the street asking me, "Is there a STARBUCKS around here?" Not just looking for coffee...looking for Starbucks. It was 4 blocks away...he seemed to think that was just too far.

From Logan, I just kicked it home. I meant to stop at Denver, but I couldn't. Those 5 hour energy drinks really work. My brain felt like an electrical storm was passing through it. My body have melted around me, but my hands stayed on the wheel, my eyes on the road, and my brains a buzzing away. I slept with the truckers at rest stops, only after I got out of WY. I was honestly scared to by driving at night in Wyoming. My phone was dead. I had no insurance. I was damn tired. And if a pronghorn had jumped in front of me, it would have been 50 miles to anywhere. I had to get through that state before I could relax enough to sleep. I did and the sleep was uncomfortably glorious. I made it home the next morning. YES!

The wagon

2009-10-22T12:37:00.000-07:00

I've fallen off. That's for sure. Look at the previous posts and you won't be surprised. Look at the name of this blog and you won't be either. But, somehow I am. And then I'm not. And then I wonder if it'll pass. And then I hope it does. And then I hope it doesn't. And then I worry about money for the first time in my life. MD. Medical doctor. BIOmedical doctor. Doctor of the medicine that grew out of gestures and philosophizing, to palpations and guessing, to cutting open live rats, to the so-called silver bullet, to the god complex, cutting out quacks (like midwives...), to pharma companies, to over specialization, to reducing maternal mortality and child death, to lawsuits and insurance companies and dictate who gets what and when. Is that who I want to be? 99% of me doesn't think so. I'll admit there's a tiny bit of me that wonders if I'd love making sick people better with fancy drugs and miracle cures. I'm sure I would. I do love problem solving and do have a hero complex. But LORD that's a long road and BIG philosophy that I'm just not behind. It would get behind me though and get me lots and lots of jobs and I wouldn't have to worry about paying those bills anymore....except all the loan payments, of course. Anyway. I've fallen off the wagon that was heading straight to med school.

I've realized that I have never disliked school as much as I do now. No wonder people drop out at 16. I feel like dropping out now, mid semester, 3000$ (plus) into it. Honestly, I'm not doing anything I care about here. That's scary. It's also really unsettling because I begin to think there aren't think I like doing. Or that I don't have ideas and values or something. They just get whitewashed over by the routine. If I feel so stiffled now, with 14 hours of not-so-hard science, how would I feel in med school? I recently met a girl in her 2nd year at Nebraska's medical school. She said, "It sucks, but if you really want it, you'll make it though." HA! And I don't even know if I really want it.

So, where's that leave me? GOOOOOOD QUESTION. I just ate an entire bar of chocolate pondering it. Do things. Make money. Learn. Experience. I think Seattle, Montreal, Austin, Europe. I wonder about grad school. I know I need to improve language. I want to go explore and just be. With the big sparkling picture coming crashing down around me, I'm forced to shake off the dust and see what's here now. Be a person NOW, not just in the future or in some great story line. I've just gotta do something and learn about life a bit more. Talk to people. Get some more direction. I keep thinking about healthy communities. How to make communities healthy. That sounds good. What about international stuff? Right.

So my head is throbbing a bit. At least I'm not buckled into something that I don't want to do.

Hurumph

2009-10-09T07:50:00.000-07:00

Convergence

2009-10-06T11:15:00.000-07:00

Just click on the images one by one. They'll show up in their own window where they'll be big enough to read. Goodluck with my handwriting.

Husker Power

2009-09-14T15:01:00.000-07:00

I actually had a great weekend. It started with Indian food and ended with hippie food. In between I underwent a true Nebraska rite of passage: attending a Husker Football game. Husker Nation they call us. It couldn't be more true. I've always said the football coach was the second most powerful man in the state, second only to the Lord himself. My dad took me to the grand event and as I sat in what would be the thirst largest city in the state if it weren't a stadium, I wondered why I'd never done this before. It was fun. 86,000 odd people crammed onto benches watching padded young men jump, run, kick, tackle and punch (there was a bit of that). It's too bad they outlawed big cheerleader throws a few years back because the cheerleaders would have been a lot more entertaining, but the band made up for it. It was odd to think how many of my band-mates from high school had marched many a'time on that field. I didn't even know why each team punts or kicks....I learned. Despite his embarrassment at my ignorance, my dad humored my questions all the way through, probably relieved to finally be adding this bit of knowledge to my brain warehouse. God, I love my dad. He's just a great dad and friend. That's probably the best part of this whole story.

Being the indoors-pansy that I am, I had to sleep after sitting in the sun for a few hours. Yes, I wore a hat (one of 5 women in the whole stadium doing that I think. Skin cancer is certainly worth no hat hair...). Coming off of my horrible mood documented by my last blog entry, the movie my family watched that evening, Mamamia, pissed me off. It was so fairy tale and carefree...people living on an island. I had a bit of "why in the hell am I putting myself through this" break down.

The next day, things were better. I went downtown and studied, hung out with a friend, at some Chili Con Queso. Went home, my dad had made amazing food. Ate it. Sat with my wonderful parents. Went over to a friend's parents' place where they were having a shindig, complete with live James Taylor-esk music and old friends. I was home by midnight and not so angry to get up and drive to Omaha this morning. My chemistry class which usually leaves me smoking from the ears in frustration was mangable.

All this to say, I had a good weekend. The ups and downs sure are coming fast.

Once you go to Austin, you can't go baustin to Nebraska

2009-09-12T06:12:00.000-07:00

I had reached such a good place here in Nebraska. I was ridin' the wave of, "My three months of transition are over. It's time to start diggin' the place where I'm livin'". I had certainly started. I even was going out. :O Then I went on vacation. Bad idea.

An old friend of mine from middle school and I decided to take a road trip to Austin, Texas to visit a buddy I went to school with at Whitman who plays the fiddle and lives from it in Austin. The drive down was amazing. We brain vomited the whole way across Kansas, Oklahoma and then the first 2/3 of the state worthy of its own time zone, Texas. Admittedly, we saw some pretty ridiculous things like the Horny Toad Harley Store and the church offering 30-minute worship sessions for the busy pious. We got honked at by truckers and tried not to be caught by the police for rolling our tires just slightly too fast down the interstate. (It's a 13 hour drive, we deserve to speed). Leaving Nebraska, we battled fog, so much that we just held onto the hope that we weren't going to run into anything because our eyes were useless at that point. Kansas was better but still very overcast. Their scenery was more colorful as the milo and sunflowers popped red and yellow. In Nebraska soy and corn monoculture's green reins king. Oklahoma brightened up and by the time we hit the Texas border, we knew we were on vacation. That feeling of warmth in the marrow of your bones that usually means summer in Nebraska has been all but absent here. Texas was different. It was cute too. I had not expected that. Instead of leaving their bridges plain gray cement like the rest of us, they've decorate them with color and a lone star at the top of each supporting columns. New apartment complexes had themes and flair, something I had never even thought could happen.

And then we were there. And it was awesome. The city is small enough that it's not intimidating at all to small city people like us Lincolnites. It's the live-music capital of the USA, though, so it's all but dead. We ate BBQ. There was music. We drank a bottle of whiskey we bought at the store in the parking lot of a bar. There was music. We went downtown. There was music. We saw a band with the remnants of country greats, like Johnny Cash's piano player and others including the best guitar player in the city. Music was everywhere. People were dancing, couple dancing! Whoaaa and I thought that died with the youth of the baby-boomers. Folks are friendly in Texas too, much more than in eastern Nebraska (I'm not going to claim to know what's going on in cowboy land out west). I keep getting the feeling that the midwest can't get over itself and the sin it sees in the world. People are more tied up in knots. Twisty inside: wanting to be nice but afraid God might not like it. It's all more morally difficult here and the caution with which people approach their surroundings makes it all less enjoyable. But, I digress. The point is: Austin rocked my socks off.

And then we left, speeding back to our lives in Nebraska. The drive back was far less enjoyable than the one there. It took for seemingly forever. I will say that when we finally did cross the Nebraska border at around 7 pm, just as the sun was setting, the scene was marvellous. It filled me with warm fuzzy nostalgic tickles and I did feel home.

We arrived around 10, after 14 hours on the road. I had to write a lab report and finish my genetics homework. The next morning I was up by 7 packing, showering, finishing my homework and preparing for the day in which I'd have to turn in a quiz and go to two labs. 2 more hours in the car that day. The next day, same thing. Drive up, go to class, study, go to class, study. The next day: quiz, lab, then finally home. I hated it all. The drive up to Omaha is really getting under my skin and I'm casting curses at all those who voted against the train. My Organic Chemistry class is driving ME up the wall. It's just ridiculous and the prof a gift from the mayor of arrogant confusion city. Genetics has yet to become interesting, the prof there too could use some major tuning up. Physics is a joke, which is nice for the stress-ometer but not so great for the feeling inspired thing that's supposed to happen to you. And then I wonder if I'm cut out for medicine if none of these science classes are doing anything for me. Luckily on Thursday, my genetics teacher talked about some diseases and my ears perked up. Good sign. Then it was the weekend and I was back to feeling like I had nothing I wanted to do in Lincoln. Shit and I thought I was over this. Guess not now that I've been reminded about what other cities have to offer. Oh well. My bad.

So here I am, sick of this NE life. Looks like I'm back to square one, figuring out how to change my perception so that I'm happy. Luckily, I've done it before and not so long ago. Time to forget about Austin or Montreal or wherever and focus on here and what it's got going for it. Yup, back to square one.

Half Mast

2009-08-30T18:58:00.000-07:00

Ted Kennedy died last week. My hours in the car afford me hours of public radio listening and last week I listened to much Ted Kennedy talk. It was truly a somber moment in our nation's history. With his passing, the memories and legacies of his two famous older brothers were retold, their battles brought back to the forefront. We find ourselves in the heat of another social justice battle, one whose torch Ted Kennedy held high for years. But, health care was only one of his issues. Together, the three brothers represented some of the most important civil rights leaders in our history. Of course these men were not not infallible. Of course they made their mistakes, both personal and professional. Their faults cannot overshadow their impact, however. As I walked by the flag pole with its flags flying respectfully at half mast, the relevance of the Kennedys' work hung heavy in my heart.

UNO is truly a university of the people. It's the most diverse university I've ever been to yet it's also the most American. Last week, because it was the first week, there was free (meat only) lunch and a DJ pumping out the jams outside the student center everyday. What a trip that first day was. As I walked along along the path, I took in the scene around me. I was exactly what I had always expected out of university; it was that image every Hollywood movie portays a fancy highschool to be. Kids were sitting on the grass, on the steps, all around the student center munching on their fleshy lunches while hot dog smell stung my nose and hip hop bounced in my ears. The kids were sitting small groups. I saw the punks with mohawks. I saw the sweety pies. I saw nerds. I saw those groups in their hyperbolic forms. Not once that day did I see blacks and whites talking. That I noticed. A few days later some fraternities and sororities took over the music square with their dancing and the color difference could not have been more stark. The latina sorority was out. So was the black sorority and fraternity. And they were the only ones dancing. They formed this ring around which the white kids stood, looking on. The segregation at UNO continues to shock me and I wonder if those more accustomed to the scene even notice anymore.

So, as I looked at that flag flying low and I looked around me, I remembered that those battles the Kennedys died for are far from vanquished.

Future

2009-08-17T09:47:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about the future since I got to Nebraska. It makes sense as my present is less than ummm welll..less exciting than I've grown accustomed to.

My first thought was that I would run away to Peru, finish my studies there and then spend ten months or so being an activist and doing service work. Then I realized that the semester doesn't start until March. I didn't know how I would get my foot in the door without studying there first and I also thought I wouldn't get to spend time both in Lima and the country. Plus, it would cost money, not make money. (money is a big theme here)

I then realized that as soon as I graduate (which I'm still not sure when that will actually be) I would be able to get a working visa for Canada. Oh Canada, where my life has most recently flourished...sounded awesome: learn French, enjoy the summer, bike bike, my FRIENDS! I was STOKED. I started thinking about how I could take my puppies up there (not so puppy anymore, that's part of the problem. old dogs have trouble with stairs and wooden floors, Montreal staples). I was making plans and my heart was at peace because it knew that it would get to spend more time with good friends.

Then, I started getting lots and lots of signals not to apply to the UK for med school. I'm still not 100% sure that I won't, but every indicator seems to point to the fact that it's just not as wise as studying in the US. Damn, I would have loved going to Europe. I re-initiated my search for which US schools to apply for. UW (Washington) in Seattle is the best school in the nation for primary care. Go figure. I was all excited about the prospect of applying there until I realized that my chance of getting in there is next to 0 because I am not a resident of the correct state. Tear. Then, I realized I have time to establish residency there. OMG! So, in March, when I finish my premed course, I get to move out to the same city as my Bro, Sis-in-Law, and darling niece! I'll just happen to become a resident in the process. Wow. Good idea.

I've had to inform the pieces of my Montreal heart that I'd changed my mind and that was hard. And I'm sad. I am sad. Instead of moving back to Europe, as I had hoped, I'm moving as far away from as I can in N. America. Instead of moving back to Montreal, I'm doing the same thing. I am also freaked out about staying in the USA for so long. My recent history wouldn't indicate that I would but in this case, I just should. ...I will still apply to some Canadian med schools... but, if I get into UW, that's a long haul in the US. I could ramble on and on about how this could lead to that and that to the other and how I'll never get back to Europe or whatever, but the point is that I need to just STOP!

realize it can lead wherever.

that this decision opens more doors than it shuts.

new things will develop and old will not go away.

i worry my friends in europe won't care after 5 more years.
but it's already been 5 and they still care. and i still care.

so with a giant breath in and out, in and out, i accept this choice and smile at all the great opportunities it will bring.

Gilly Weed

2009-08-09T10:44:00.000-07:00

I'm almost finished with the first of three periods of Nebraska life. I've finished my thesis, which means I'm all done at McGill (sigh of relief) and on Thursday, I'll have finished my Organic Chemistry 1 class. My job at the College of Public Health is also likely over...though they still haven't told any of the summer research assistants if our time is up. My gut tells me I'll be unemployed in a few weeks. I'm glad this section is over; transitions are never easy for me and that's what this period was. I've realized that the transition is mostly over. I don't want to cry when I think about leaving Montreal. That is good. I also have switched my rhythm over to fit the Nebraska vibe...or at least MY Nebraska vibe. Montreal was so social for me. Nebraska is anything but. It's family...that's social, I guess. It's work. It's studies. It's dogs. It's sleeping. It's resume building. I've finally got my head wrapped around that and it's starting to make sense. I don't know if other people can just slide into transitions, but I cannot. I can't let go of the past so easily to fit into the present. Watching the third Harry Potter reminded me that new transitions are rarely easy. Harry eats gilly weed and grows gills. It pains him to grow them and pains him to lose them. He carries scars on his neck for days. That's where I'm at: scars. Those are something that I'll never lose and I wouldn't want to. Every experiences changes you and scars are the reminder of how. I'm just happy to be able to breathe above ground again.

How do these things happen?

2009-06-08T15:24:00.000-07:00

How does anything happen? People live their lives, day to day, things comes things go...why? This question became more real for me as I sat in my CNA (nurse's assistant) course and thought about why each of us ladies was there. It became more real for me as I complained to my parents about this or that and they chided, "In my day." It became more real more me when my UWC friends, so used to be rewarded for their intellect, ideals and hard work, found it hard to find a job after college. It made me think about my own life and how I've gotten where I've gotten.

I've always felt like a "not-normal" (not necessarily abnormal) person. My most recent Myer-Briggs personality test told me I'm an ENFJ and when I looked up "where i should be living" according to my personality type, they told me Quebec (hehe), French-speaking Belgium and Greenland -- all examples of a minority culture.

My mom says she knows we're born with personalities. She ran a daycare for me when I was a baby and she saw how different each and every one of those six month old bundles was. I'm not going to get into a nature vs. nurture discussion here...at least not deeplyf...but I do just want to acknowledge that people are born with differences.

That "difference" is what I always accounted my success to until...mmmm...Whitman, probably. I had worked hard. I was happy. I was nice. I was smart. I didn't do drugs. Yay me. Boy, I deserve every gold star I get. And you know what? I did. I did work hard. I was kind and happy and hard working. In middle school, I really was an exceptional young person. Those things deserve to be rewarded, and so often they are, especially for people like me.

But, that's only half of the equation. I also always had food on the table, a warm bed, loving parents, plenty of time to play and a safe environment. I got to be that kid I was born to be; little was holding me back. Had some aspect of my environment been different, I too would likely be very very different.

So, as I was sitting in my nurse's assistant course, seeing the single moms and the younger girls, remembering how I had spoken about medical school and not my dogs, I thought about how I had gotten to that point. Everything has worked in my favor. Sure, I haven't gotten everything I've ever wanted, I've certainly been rejected, but mostly, I've been lucky. Lucky.

I don't know how much of anybody's life can be attributed to luck or timing, but I think a lot can. Sure, we are all autonomous agents, responsible for our actions and perspectives. I believe strongly in that. I also know you can only control your half and what other people or the universe make of what you put out cannot be controlled by you.

It's humbling to think about how I can only control half of any equation. It's scary and its humbling. It's scary to realize that I could work hard my whole life and then lose it all in an instant. Thinking about the diseases that grip so many of the elderly these days and how all that those people were flies out the window when they sign the residency agreement at a nursing home. It's humbling to realize that maybe I'm not so great, that likely I've just gotten a lot of longer ends of the stick.

It's also exciting. If I had to be responsible, 100% responsible for everything, that would be a lot of pressure and perhaps my imagination and creativity wouldn't take me half as far as the imagination and creativity of whatever it is that's controlling that other half.

So who knows what's going to happen next or why. I'll do what I can to get where I think I want to go. After that, it's anyone's guess.

Potluck

2009-05-19T15:18:00.000-07:00

Dr. Pepper comes in Cherry
and diet
and caffeine free

Pizza Hut serves pasta
with bacon
and sure is creamy

Velveeta still exists (oh God)
but makes for a popular dip.
And if its got corn in it,
it's healthy, 'cause it's vegetable rich

Speaking of veggies, let's talk about salad:
it's mostly made of pasta,
a half a cucumber, a bit tomato
and mayo, lotsa lotsa. :)

I always thought the Sweeds were odd for eating so much white.
Now I know it's not just them,
Most here prefer food that I'm apt to call "shite"

To be a good CNA, you must have a dog

2009-05-17T22:22:00.000-07:00

The first day of my CNA (certified nurse's assistant) course we spent a good hour (hour and a half?) introducing ourselves. I learned more about dog breeds (and 'tween breeds) in that hour and a half than I have since I did a project on dogs in the sixth grade. I also learned, and apparently quickly forgot, all of their pups' names. It was shocking to hear these women discussing anything but their professional goals on the first day of a professional training course. I felt odd talking about wanting to go to medical school and completely forgot to mention my two bat-like, pot-bellied pig furballs to the class. This quality of focusing on the personal over the "professional" is actually likely to make those women damn good CNAs, however. My focus on the mind and on thought, while making me good at uni and a likely manager, probably puts me at a disadvantage in the CNA world, where the most important quality for doing your job well is "a positive attitude."

These women are truly amazing. They're from all walks of life with all sorts of ambitions and reasons for enrolling in the course. I'm noticing a few categories:
-There's the most similar me: recent university graduates who want to go into the health field (mostly nursing) and are using this as a first step towards that. Most studied bio or prenursing.
-Recent high school graduates. I don't know why they're there and they're too shy to say anything. I think this job could be a shock for some of those girls...it's likely to be a shock for all of us, though.
-Moms. Single (mostly, there are some married ladies in this category too) young moms who need to make a living. After one month of training, they've got a certificate and can get a job in the one field that's hiring in this recession.
-The "mature" cohort. These women have gone through the ropes and the reels of life, either been mommies since they can remember and are going back to school for the first time since senior prom or need a new something to bite their teeth into.

...There is one fellow in the class. He's been awkwardly trying to assert his maleness, while not dominating. I actually think he's a nice guy, but in this situation of feeling like a emu in an ostrich pen, he's saying some chauvinist things. Really funny dude, I know you've got a wiener. It's okay, you can keep it.

Excluding the recent high school grads, I'd say at least 75% of these women are married, divorced, or have a child. That was a startling realization. Even many of the "career girls" have fancy blingy rings around their left ring finger.

And this is the kicker. I wonder if the fact that I don't want a ring around my finger or that I bike and am a veggie will make it harder for me to be a good CNA, especially here in Nebraska. If I get a job in a nursing home, I'll likely be dealing with even more conservative folks who may find it hard to relate to me and not to these other ladies I'm training with. I'm betting this won't happen, though. That positive attitude doesn't have to come in a ring-toting, coke-drinking package. I think compassion and understanding are much more important than any of those other descriptors. This course is very human and I love that. It teaches you to be kind, patient, understanding and supportive. It makes sense that people who love dogs would make good CNAs; it's the same sense of compassion and care that inspires both. Big goals or nose rings and compassion are certainly not exclusive.

Biking in Lincoln

2009-05-13T16:53:00.000-07:00

I've been in this city for three days, biking for three days. Very obviously, this is not a city of bikers, despite the two large signs which read "Bike to Work" and the mouth of a bike trail. Let me tell you why:

Besides myself, I have seen 5 other bikers. One was probably about 7.
When I asked the guys at the bike shop if there were bike paths, they told me about the ones that lead off into the country. Right. Biking for fun, not for commuting.
The bike racks stink. You have to have a rope-type lock to lock both your frame and your wheel at once. In fact, you have to have to have a rope-type lock to lock even your frame. Which leads me to my next point...
The bike theft industry isn't rockin'. I did get my bike stolen in middle school, but I know people who leave their bikes on their front porches unlocked. Not a big enough demand for bikes to merit stealing and reselling.
And last, but certainly not least, Mr. Fatso in his Mr. Fatso car yelled at me, "Get off the road." Hilariously, he didn't have guts to say anything clearly and all I could really make out was "MDKRMRMMRM ROAD!".

I guess biking could be construed as anti-American. But hey, I'm trying to reduce our dependence on foreign oil!

Schistosomiasis

2009-05-13T16:50:00.000-07:00

The Schistosoma flukes (worms) are true romantics. The female literally fits into a groove on the male, where she lodges herself for the rest of her (and his) adult worm life. Talk about commitment! Should we take a hint from these wormies or thank evolution that we've got more options?

Perpective

2008-08-19T09:09:00.000-07:00

I've been in Nebraska about a month now. It's given me time to look at the whole experience. This summer certainly wasn't what I was expecting, but it was good. Panama was definitely a more personally challenging experience than anything else, forcing me to reconsider how I interact with people and giving me a taste of the "real world"'s tendency to not follow through. Coming back to Nebraska, too, has helped me see myself clearly in my context: I have one year left of school and that's it. It's kind of helpful to be a year behind because I get to see my peers going through what I'll be going through in May: finding jobs...or not, making decisions, being financially independent for real. It's been a big growing up experience, a realization that I can't just play my way through life taking trips and having adventures. It's also helped me realize that I don't just want that, that I want stability and the ability to have a dog, for example. That I want a home to a certain extent and a life that's more the school/work. I've decided to develop some hobbies, to read more, turn the intensity down a bit. We'll see how that does, but I hope it works. I'm about to finally quit the kid phase of my life and I can't rely on my mama to do all my mending for me :) Part of being a kid is just going along for the ride, just accepting what's going on. So many things just felt so natural for me for so long, like studying or traveling. Now, I'm aware more than ever that nothing is just "natural", that it's all a choice, and everything has a consequence, good or bad. I'm aware that I can balance my life as I wish, knowing there are implications for each choice.

So, all in all, it's been a good summer. I'm a bit bummed I didn't take advantage of Panama more, go to beaches more, to the jungle, just travel; but, oh well, it was and odd living situation and an odd social situation and you can't get everything out of everything.

I'm really looking forward to my last year at McGill and being in Montreal.

Vera

2008-07-22T11:18:00.000-07:00

The dog is going today. Naturally, I'm in a melancholic mood, but I know it's right thing to do. All throughout the summer, my facebook horoscope has been telling me what to do with the dog. The first time I decided to not take her, right after putting her up with the security guards, it read something like, "You've just finished one big adventure. It's time to move onto the next." When I was fighting with my parents about whether or not I could bring her home and was really "solidifying" my decision to take her it said, "You had your doubts, but they've been proven wrong. The way to go is clear, and the road is wide open." Now, on the day when it's all final (right and just watch this thing fall through) it says, "Before making that big change, make sure you are thinking about your future, not just your present." It's right. So are all those who discouraged me in taking her. It's not the time for a puppy right now. She's great, but the woman who's going to take her is too. Vera is going to have a great life and that makes it all worth it.

7 days

2008-07-17T21:18:00.001-07:00

One week left. That’s not much. I’m on the final leg and still feel like I have quite a bit ahead of me.

I finished my interviews last week with the Kuna. Generally, they went well. I felt very welcomed and everyone agreed to do the interview, which apparently is uncommon for Kunas. Obviously, the fact that I was accompanied by Kunas that already knew the majority of the people I spoke with (not the most randomized way of selecting participants) help a lot. One family even served me lunch one day and another sold me a mola. The woman that served us lunch was a founder of one of the communities and laughed to herself that if I were a Latina they probably wouldn’t receive me so well, that’d they’d be more inclined to reject me. That’s quite interesting and one of the few examples in the world when being American helps improves how people treat you. I’m not sure about this, but the Americans may have helped the Kuna in their rebellion. Anyway, the interviews are done. Today I went and spoke with the inspectors in Paraiso, the last of my official interviews. At this point, I’m sure I could have done a better job… but it was a learning process and I’m going to produce something of decent quality, so I’m happy with it. I made it work.

Beaches. This is the best part of the Panama experience. Last weekend I went with a group of people from the UN to a beach in the Caribbean. It was amazing, the best place I’ve been in Panama so far. The water was finally that color that everyone associates with the Caribbean, the turquoise/blue/green. Phenomenal. And the people were wonderful, so open and kind. It was exactly what I needed. It seems like I’ll go to another beach this weekend, either to another island or to a beach resort. And, I’m actually going to go with people from McGill. *gasp. I’m looking forward a final beach visit. I was so looking forward to some good beach time this summer and I actually have managed to get a bit of a tan.

Dog. Right. So after so many ups and downs, I’ve decided not to keep her. There is a woman who wants to take her and so I’ll let her. My parents don’t want her in the house. It’s not wise for me as a whimsical traveler. And, my roommate in Montreal finally said she doesn’t want her. Okay, it’s not possible. It’s too bad, but I feel good about this woman and am happy to have given Vera a better life. In the end, that’s the whole point.

The last week has put me in more contact with good people. It’s made me realize what a pity or how unlucky the situation with my peers from McGill was. It wasn’t just that we were so different and probably wouldn’t have been friends otherwise, which made for mediocre encounters at best, but also because we were stuck out in the Ciudad del Saber, in one house, we overdosed of each other and grew even more distant. On top of that, no one really took any of us by the hand to show us Panama, which happened all the time for me in Peru. Now, people are saying to me, “Oh, if only you had more time, I’d invite you to my house for dinner.” I guess there are three conclusions to be drawn from all of this 1)Things take time 2)The situation was just unlucky and 3)The people you experience things with make or break the experience. It’s been a challenge for me here socially and I’ve had to rethink somethings about who I am and why I am how I am. It’s been awhile since I’ve felt socially outcast and even though it’s not a nice thing, the reflection process it inspires is.

I’m looking forward to my last week and then to being in Nebraska for a month. I’ll get to spend quite a bit of time with my family, which I love.

Too bad Bush (and papa Reagan)

2008-07-17T06:04:00.000-07:00

"Consumer spending seems likely to flag too. A jump in retail sales in April and May owed something to the tax rebates first sent out at the end of April. But a slim rise in retail sales in June is a hint that the effects of this one-off stimulus may already be fading." -- Economist July 17th

What?? Sending little bits of money to everyone, especially the rich, doesn't actually stimulate the economy in any sustainable way?? God, and I thought Bush had it all figured out.

Article (click)

Interviews!

2008-07-02T11:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I started my interviews. Just as I had expected, me going with the Cacao group in their transport was problematic. First, Gorgas is currently short on drivers, so they barely got to go. Luckily, they asked the director if he needed his driver and he was kind enough to let us go in the car normally reserved exclusively for him. We were late and the woman that I had arranged to meet in Koskuna had to wait. I only got three interviews done in end because of the delay and then, quite predictably, the Cacao group finished their work before I did and wanted to leave, which we did. There were other delays as well, such as the husband of the first woman I was interviewing, who just kept talking and talking, answering my questions. Of course, it is important to include the knowledge of men in explaining the Kunas’ understanding of Dengue, but that’s not my study. Men know more about it because they go out and women don’t really (at least in the age group I was interviewing, 65+). In two of the three interviews (the two where there were husbands still alive), the husbands felt it would have been wiser for me to interview them, because they know more. One came into room and gave my coworkers a talking to in Kuna, not angry but unhappy that I was talking to his wife not him. It’s true, the women don’t know much, but that’s what I’m here to document. Also, in the middle of the interviews, the woman I was working with as a translator got a call that her son had been robbed. Then it started to rain, so another coworker suggested that it wasn’t a great time to be walking around (I in fact prefer a bit of rain to the intense sun). Anyway, it was good we left because I was already exhausted from the three we had done. I’m going back tomorrow and I’ll have to do seven. Luckily, I’m not going on the Cacao group’s watch.

When I decided to leave at the end of July, my Spanish friend Claudia and I planned all our weekends. Last weekend was Isla Iguana, a small island in the Pacific off Peninsula Azuero. It’s a protected area, so no one lives there, except for the crabs, which are protected by law. Claudia and I left Saturday morning, and got to Pedasí, the town closest to the Island (also home to the first female Panamanian president, Miyrea Moscoso (no one likes her)) around 3. Claudia was tired, so we decided to get some food and then just hang. After amazing shrimp cebiche, I walked around the town while Claudia slept. I was expecting to find the town in full festival swing, as it was a patron saint day, but no such luck. The town was basically dead, although a political party did throw an event later that night…we did not attend. The town was sweet, though, chill, and fresh, unlike the humidity that we’ve become used to in Panama City. The next morning, we got up early and went to the Island. We were hoping to see some whales, as they’re in breeding season, but we didn’t get to. However, the island is great. To get there, you have to take boat, big surprise. It was the first time I had gone out in the ocean like that. I’ve been on a ferry in the Mediterranean Sea, but the ocean is a whole other thing. It was kind of scary, actually. The power of that massive body of water really humbled me. The boat we went out in is the kind that people take off for Europe in from Africa. I can’t imagine being in that little thing in the middle of ocean. We only had about 4 hours on the island as we had to go back for dinner in Panama City, but we did get some snorkeling in. Unfortunately, the majority of the coral off the island is dead from El Nino in ’82 and the US Army using is as target practice…awesome. There are actually craters as a reminder. Even the coral wasn’t so amazing, it was my first time snorkeling and I loved it! There were some fish, beautiful beautiful fish, like Parrot Fish. The high point was seeing a Sea Turtle!!! It made the whole trip worth it. I’m hooked on snorkeling. When we go to Kuna Yala, I’m definitely going to do it again, and there the coral is in better shape. We were supposed to go this weekend, but my coworkers haven’t been paid yet, so we’re waiting until next weekend. I think I’ll go to Chiriquí instead.

Random Notes

2008-07-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

After the whirlwind change of plans, I’m left focusing on the time I have left in Panama, instead of dreaming about how to get out.

The woman who cleans our house speaks really odd Spanish, it sounds like it’s not her first language, so I asked her if she was Kuna. She said she doesn’t know. It’s obvious she’s got some indigenous roots, but she has no idea, neither do her parents. I thought that was shocking.

The think there are more protestants in Panama than Catholics. I’ve seen almost no Catholic churches, but many Baptist and Evangelical ones. Evangelical conversions are on the rise worldwide, I think, but it might be because of all the US influence that Panama left Catholicism behind early.

Panama is an interesting place, so diverse. My supervisor says it’s geographically Central America, historically South America, culturally Caribbean, politically dominated by robiblancos (greedy white people who steal from the poor to get richer), and sentimentally American (as in USA). Sarah, the girl who came down from McGill that it’s a hard place to get as a tourist because it’s so diverse, there’s so much of everything: “You can’t tell who’s Panamanian, who’s a tourist, who moved here, etc. I like diversity at home but when you’re travelling it’s easier to just go another culture.” It’s true the “Panamanian culture” is hard to figure out. It’s not so apparent, like in Cuba, or even Peru. They’ve got influence from Spanish, Colombian, French, and the USA. They had slaves and more blacks that came from other parts of the Caribbean to help build the railroad. Bocas del Toro is primarily black people, who speak both Spanish and creole English. There are 7 indigenous groups, 7 in this tiny country. They’re strong, too. As a rule, you don’t often see people walking around in their traditional attire in the capital city. In Panama, you certainly do. There are also quite a few Asians (thank God, otherwise there would be zero vegetarian food. Yum yum, went to a veggie restaurant yesterday. YAY Tofu!!). I think the average Panamanian is the color that we’ll all end up after a few hundred years more of globalization. They’ve got a caramel everything: skin, hair, eyes. There’s a new influx of immigrants: retired Americans, Canadians, and Europeans. So, I guess Sarah’s right that this is a place of everything. She may also be right that it’s harder to handle as a tourist. For me, for example, I know I’m not happy with the super obvious American influence. I travel to see places not like the US. Hm.

Things go stale really fast here. Leave a bag of chips overnight, and you’ve got yourself food for toothless.

Rackataca: These are women who walk around the city with curlers in their hair. I thought it was kind of cool when I got here, but now I don’t get it. We prepare ourselves to go “out”, including the grocery store sometimes. I thought it was nice they weren’t so obessessed with their appearance that they went in public obviously not primped. But, the other day when we were at a music festival in Casco Viejo, I saw a “Rackataca” there. We were at a party for heaven’s sake! For whom/what/when was she getting ready? Someone suggested work, that could be true.

The growth of tourism and its effect on locals and local economy is complex. On the one hand, tourism certainly creates new jobs and attracts investment, which is generally thought of as a good thing. Roads may be made better for the tourists, too bad it wouldn’t be done for locals, but it’s a reality. Water services may be extended. Electricity. Police, even…not always great for locals, especially if they’re corrupt. So, these are good things. But, tourists can dominate. They can take over local settings, imposing themselves and their culture. They can be noisy. They can bring drugs and sex desires (Yay Southeast Asia + HIV got into Peru that way). They can also bring new, less morally questionable diseases. They can bring trash and not care where they throw it because it’s not their place. The majority of these things can be managed by national law, but the question is always if the country will do it, and then if the law will be enforced. Also, it puts the disproportion of world income right in the eye of both the observant tourist and the local. This could be a good thing, it could inspire the tourist to do something at home or cause the local to demand more from their government…both of which are really long shots. But, it’s been proven that perceived poverty is more powerful than actual poverty. If you see others with much than you have, you’ll feel poor, causing perhaps depression or anger, inspiring crime, even worsening health. Lastly, while tourism certainly creates jobs, a) they’re not always reliable. If a disease breaks out (like malaria) people will be scared and not go. Civil strife deters tourism, e.g. Kenya after the election…no one went. Now, with the cost of gas skyrocketing, tourism will also go down. B) The new jobs/agencies are often dominated by foreigners themselves. To deal with tourists, you should be able to speak at least English and locals often. So, foreigners move in, take the good jobs, sucking up the potential payoffs of this new trade and perhaps hire a few locals and disproportionate salaries to that which they’re making. Yeyes serving Yeyes in the end. (yeye is a Panamanian word for yuppie).

Without recycling services, I throw out a bunch of crap. It’s disgusting. I’ve been thinking about getting it all smashed and brining it back to the north with me. Poor Earth.

Big bang boom

2008-06-24T14:04:00.000-07:00

Today things just fell into place:
-Changed my ticket
-Got ethics approval
-Will get approval from Kuna Nega leaders to go

Solidify, solidify, solidify!

There's much to report

2008-06-23T08:01:00.001-07:00

I’ve just come from a meeting with my supervisor. It the meeting to solidify the turning point in my time here. Where to begin? I suppose I’ll start where I left off in the last entry.

Upon arrival, I was trying to be very positive about everything. Okay, so we’re in the Ciudad del Saber; it’ll work out. Okay, so it’s cloudy and rainy; it’ll work out. Okay, so I have to do everything in this internship; I’ll do it; it’ll work out. But, things seemed to just keep on getting worse and worse. In the end, I think the living situation was really to blame.

My roommates freaked and told me I had to get rid of the dog, and a few days later the Arts Internship Office called and told me I had to get rid of her. She went to live with the Security Guards down the road. They like having her around, which is better for her because my roommates weren’t super friendly to her. She’s still there and I’ve been visiting her everyday. I’ve been trying to decide what I’m going to do with her once I go. I still don’t know, but I’m leaning towards not taking her with me.

The dog certainly added to the tensions of the house, but tensions were inevitable. Living in one house, sharing rooms – okay doesn’t sound so bad – here’s the kicker: we were isolated in that stupid Ciudad del Saber, without a car. I can understand wanting to live there if you have a car: it’s calm, safe, and clean. Those are the same reasons McGill thought that we should be there; plus, they own villas there. I’m sure they thought, “Well of course, McGill students go and live in those villas every year. It makes perfect sense that these five students live there too.” The difference with us is, we’re just five. That means we don’t get to pick and chose who we hang out with. That means we’re all in one house and can’t go between houses for space. That means we’re few enough that we want to include everyone in everything, but too many for that to be easy. I certainly wouldn’t have minded sharing the house with the other four if we had been in some other area. But, being in the Ciudad del Saber, all we can do is hang out in the house or go for a walk. There is a pizzeria that’s open for dinner, so sometimes we go there for pizza, but again, it’s always with ourselves. There is a pool, which is nice, but they’ve been cleaning it for a few weeks now. If we want to go to the city, we have to take a taxi = money = expensive. So, to be safe and save money, we go together. AHIII! It’s like the Real World meets Survivor! We don’t speak Spanish there. We don’t meet Panamanians. We don’t learn about Panamanian culture. This is NOT why we came here!! Understandably emotions are running high. It’s better now that they got another villa and two girls moved in there…and that the pup is gone too.

Then there’s our internships. Mine is quite unique. I’m feeling better about it now, but I’ve really had to push to make it happen. That’s certainly part of the experience and my supervisor admitted to me today that he’s had me do some things that aren’t “necessary” to teach/show me more about typical Panamanian life. I’ve had to ask for work. I’ve had to design my project. I’ve had to push to get him to give me transport. It’s all working out now, and I’m starting to see his logical, I just wish I would have had a bit of advance warning about what to expect. Oh well, that’s what you get for being the guinea pig. I’m still waiting for ethical approval from McGill to really start the interviews, but I’ve spoken with various people from the Ministry of Health and have interviewed those in charge of the vector (mosquito) programs in one of my communities. I’ve also gone out with a few other groups to observe their research. In the end, I’m going to have quite a good understanding of how research works here and all of the obstacles there are for researchers in Panama.

And then, there’s the city. It’s quite the place. Huge income inequality. Huge foreign investment. Huge drug money. Huge wealth. Huge poverty. It’s small, so in three blocks you walk from places resembling Miami to slums that are “x”ed out on the map McGill gave us upon arrival. (I went yesterday, however, with the family of the woman who cleans my friend’s house. We ate the best fish I’ve had since I’ve been here and honestly had a ball. I felt like I did when I was in Peru…immersed in the culture of the place.) For us, as we want to be safe and we don’t know many Panamanians, we go to the richy places, which are expensive and not so different from that which you would find in Montreal or Lincoln, for that matter. I still have not freaking danced salsa. Amazing. Also, the transportation system is really crappy. They use old US school buses. They’re all in bad shape and the ride is quite horrible. Since they’re so big, they don’t come around as often as the “combis” in Peru (van type things) and leave for la Ciudad del Saber every hour. I take one home everyday, but to get around the city…well, if we lived there it would be a different thing. Plus, there’s a girl here who just doesn’t want to take them…so when we’re out with her…anyway, the transport system makes the city less accessible, as well. I had a horrible experience with those buses the first time around, and this one isn’t much better!

Okay…so, all of that combined to make me one not-very-happy camper the last few days. Sleeping too much. Eating too much. Great, right? So, I started thinking. The first thought that came to me was to go to Peru. I dream about it and reallllly miss those boys. I would love to go see them. I thought it would be my incentive to stick it out here. But, thinking about the finances of it all, I realized it just wasn’t realistic. Damn. Oh well. Actually, I realized I didn’t have enough money to even stay here, and what a pity to pay so much for something you’re not even really going to enjoy. What’s more, on a tight budget, I’d have an even worse time because I wouldn’t be able to travel or go out…again, not why I came here, not willing to pay for that. So, here’s what I’m going to do: leave early and go home to work with my dad. I will still finish my research and have a paper to submit to McGill, Gorgas, and grad schools. I will still be able to keep my scholarship and get credit for the internship. I will be able to travel and have set up a great itinerary with my Spanish friend, Claudia. I will go home and be able to go to my cousin’s wedding!!!!!!! I will be able to see my folks. I will keep my end of the deal and fund this whole crazy trip by myself. I will have a better time here and a better time there. I’ve spoken with my supervisor and he’s more than okay with it. Now, I just have to make sure those at McGill are fine and I’m set. It’s a huge relief and a responsible/wise plan/compromise. *big sigh*

Peace.

Note about Panama: the language is over affectionate. The woman in my office, where everyone talks to each other with “usted”= formal “you”, just said “cuidese amor”…that’s take care of yourself (formal), love. Amazing.

Caught in the Rain

2008-06-11T13:35:00.000-07:00

As of today, I’ve been in Panama 27 days. That’s awhile, almost a third of the entire time I’ll be here. That’s exciting because the second third is usually when things start taking off, and the third is when it’s all golden. I’m glad the first is over; there hasn’t been much action, but I do have a few things to tell.

1) I got a dog. Yes, yes, I got a dog. Her name is Vera and I got her from Veracrus, which is a town near Panama City. She didn’t have a home and was so skinny. I brought her home without asking my flatmates, but not before taking her to the vet. The roomies weren’t too happy and honestly still aren’t, but I don’t regret it. I would like to say that I’d do things differently the next time, but I don’t think I would, because it’s not really possible; it was completely spur of the moment and had I stopped to ask, it wouldn’t have happened. I thought I’d keep her when I took her. I thought I’d take her back to Canada. Although I question the decision everyday, I really don’t think I can. Even if I could manage her for the year that I’m in Montreal, what happens after? Although, I may be able to find her a family up there. She’s such a peach. But, my flatmates are not happy she’s here and want her out. I’m actually pretty disappointed in them in that regard, disappointed and surprised, but I can’t really judge or say anything because I didn’t ask. I guess some people just aren’t animal people. There is a taxi driver who wants her. She won’t have a princess life with him, but it’ll be better than that she was going to have. If I were to decide to keep her, I’d have to make a lot of sacrifices. I’m lucky, though, the security guards here in Clayton take care of her when I go to work or away for the weekend.

2) Work is going okay. I’m planning my research and have sent the application to McGill for ethical approval. That will take as long as it will take. In the mean time, I’ve been able to spend more time with the dog and have been visiting other projects to see what they’re all about. In this way, I’m going to get a good view and understanding of how health works here in Panama. I’ve actually got to meet quite a few people, all of whom are very warm and helpful. Today, I had a meeting with a man who runs the Vector Control Office for the Metropolitan Area and we talked about their programs to control the mosquito. He said there’s not a lot of Dengue in the native population, which makes me feel like maybe my study isn’t all that important. But, oh well, it’ll be interesting. I’m hoping to really start next week.

3) Isla Grande. This past weekend, we (people from the house and a Spanish girl one of my flatmates works with) to Isla Grande, which is supposedly the spot of choice for city dwellers in Panama to escape. It’s a small island in the Caribbean. J Hehe…YES! I went to the Caribbean. It was amazing; I don’t think I’d ever been in such a nice place before. We went Saturday morning and hung out on the beach, ate, etc. There wasn’t a ton to do, but it was nice all the same. Too bad it was cloudy. Oh well. I went for a walk by myself the next morning (I’m the morning person of the group…) and almost broke my toe! I’m okay though. Phew! The ride there from Panama City cost a whole 6.50$....crazy nothing. I have to pay 3$ to get to work in a taxi!

4) The living situation is just fine. I would never have chosen to live here if I had had the choice because I’d much rather be in the city and close to the action, but it’s safe and tranquil and the security guards love my dog. The house situation is okay. When you throw a bunch of strangers together in an intense situation, things are bound to be tense sometimes. The dog is an issue. The cockroaches are another. We’re all feeling a bit of cabin fever, but I’m hoping that’ll all change soon as we get more orientated and figure out what we want to get out of this and how to do it.

5) Rain. WOW! Intense! Yesterday (and again now) it rained so hard it flooded the streets. I had to run home from the bus station but was still completely drenched…after 3 seconds I was drenched. The rain is amazing but also puts a damper on our experience because we can’t go out when it’s raining and when it floods the streets, even worse. I guess that’s kind of the metaphor for the experience so far: loving it but feeling trapped or stuck at the same time. Luckily, I have my puppy to keep me company ;)

Trust Your Gut

2008-05-26T16:16:00.000-07:00

When I applied for this internship in October, I had the feeling that I was going to be doing a research project on my own…well, I am. My first day of work, a week ago today, was quite the shocker. My supervisor had told me he’d wait for me at 7am in his office. I was surprised he wanted to meet so early and no one believed he’d actually be there, but he was. We didn’t get to spend much time together, as he was running off to a big epidemiologists meeting, but he did get to introduce me to and sluff me off onto a few of the people who work with him so I didn’t have to go to the epidemiologists’ meeting with him. When he introduced me to people he gave them the whole spiel, including who I was, where I study, and what I’m going to do. After a few introductions, I realized that no one knew I was coming, nor were anyone them already working or going to work on my project. I’ll admit, that freaked me out a bit. After my supervisor left, I went out with the team, who’s working on a cacao research project (very cool. They’re testing to see if it a) decreases hypertension or b)increases sexual potency.) They work with the Kuna, so after waiting for an hour for the Gorgas car, we piled into the truck and took off for Kuna Negra, a Kuna community north of Panama City. It was great; I got to see parts of the city that looked more like the Panama I was expecting. I don’t know if it’s good to have expectations like that, but it seemed more normal: neither extremely poor nor extremely rich. We had to go through a landfill to get to the community and it was like a jungle shanty town, although not all the houses were made of temporary materials. I got to meet the saila, or leader in Kuna, of the community. She doesn’t speak Spanish, or at least very well, but she was warm and gave all of us an avocado. Her name was America… After leaving there, we went to the Kuna Congress. It’s amazing how much authority and autonomy the Kuna have maintained. They do feel their culture is weakening, though. Some Kuna kids don’t learn the language and many don’t know the traditional dances and ways. However, you can see the Kuna women walking all over the city as they all wear the same beautiful outfits: bright, flower-printed, wrap skirts; blouse tops sewn onto the embroidered molas they make as the abdomen piece of the shirt; red handkerchiefs on their heads; and beads wrapped around their legs and sometimes arms. They have many systems in place to allow outsiders in, but I don’t think it’ll be too big a deal to get their approval for my research because there are some Kuna who work at Gorgas with my supervisor and they’re the ones who’ve been showing me around. They’re helping to orient me to the system and I think will help a lot in me getting through it. So, yes…my research. Well, I’m not super intimidated. I’m going to plan it, which is fine. That’s what I’ve been working on. I’m trying to bite off just as much as I can chew but know there will be lots of bumps along the way. The hardest part will be getting someone to translate and getting a car to take me to the communities. My supervisor isn’t the easiest to get ahold of, either. It’s okay. It’ll work out.

Outside of work, things haven’t been too exciting. We went out on Friday night, and to the pool on Saturday. Sunday was great: three of us went to a beach near Panama City: Playa Gorgona. I’m feeling pretty okay with my Spanish…I just wish I could speak it more. We don’t really speak it in the house and although I do at work, people are constantly trying to speak to me in English. This country is crazy that way. People you wouldn’t expect to speak English are fluent: like the security guard, grounds keeper, or waitress. There are immigrants from all over, including the Caribbean and India, so that may have something to do with it, but I guess with all the American influence, it’s just something that’s bound to happen. I’m not super happy with the living situation: we’re outside of the city by about 40 mins, and it’s not cheap/easy to get in. I suppose I’ll get more used to the buses soon and it won’t feel like such a drag, I would have just preferred something more central. Ah well. Win some lose some.

And, look: Princess hair :)

Sweat in Panama

2008-05-17T17:52:00.001-07:00

I’m here! Arriving, it finally all sank it; if it wasn’t going to happen then, it probably never would. I honestly felt like I had been told as a child that someday I would go to Panama, and upon arriving that distant prophesy came true. Que emocion! It’s quite the tropical paradise. I woke up on Friday morning, the first time I’d seen the place in daylight, and allowed my eyes to soak up the splendor of all the trees in view. …then, I sat up and saw the US-style military base houses …but, that’s what this place seems so far to be: a tropical paradise that has been dominated by greedy world powers and has soaked up the consumer mentality of the plastic life we in the “north” incorporate into every aspect of our lives. La Ciudad del Saber, otherwise known by its American name “Clayton”, is home to the UN, the Nature Conservancy and other global NGOs, as well as the most expensive school in the country and as many oversized cars and SUVs as any Midwestern suburb. It is clearly a military base and gives me the same impression as the western outposts/forts I’ve visited in Nebraska: blocky single floor standard homes surrounding the central green, which is bordered by larger, more regal buildings, which obviously served a more formal purpose in the days of the gringos. We visited a new “hot spot” they’ve created for tourists and going out and I thought I was in Disneyland. Sticking out into the Pacific, this man-made peninsula (rellenos) boasts many clubs and restaurants, all with a great view of the ocean. But, their plastic canopies reveal how unnatural the experience they offer actually is. Our caretaker here in Panama, a woman who works with McGill, explained her point of view, which wasn’t very favorable and said that Panamanians want badly to be like the US. Today, we went into the city, the five of us. My goodness! I’ve never heard so much honking in my life. It was slightly obscene! We have 4 girls in our group, all wearing summer clothes…and 5 foreigners together. It seems men of this country are slightly more forward than Peruvians and that’s saying something. The trip to city also made Panama’s enormous gini coefficient (a measure of inequality) make sense. Many parts are very “developed” and they’re working to do more. The parts that reminded me of Lima at all were in much worse shape. I actually found myself missing my first Latin American home. Maybe it was poorer, but the wealth wasn’t so ostentatious, and again that’s really saying something. I still remember the Mariot’s chandelier in Miraflores. The group of roommates seems to be getting along pretty well. We’re all at very different places right now and have quite different approaches to this whole thing, but we’re working through it. It’s kind of nice to have each other, but again it’ll be harder to integrate. Apparently, I have become the go-to girl, the mama… or, at least that’s how I feel. I am the oldest, but not by much. Maybe I just feel comfortable faster. I suppose this will stay the same, though, because I’m the only one with an internship in the city; the rest are working here in the Ciudad del Saber!! Speaking of work, my supervisor asked me to be at work at 7am on Monday! Yikes! That’ll be a challenge for sure! I’m excited and a bit nervous – both good things.

One last thing: the humidity has turned my hair into something fit for Sleeping Beauty or Cinderella. Who knew I had so many curls?!? J

A shot of our street.

The girls of the house.

Epoch -- Panama --

2008-05-01T18:08:00.000-07:00

It’s flooding in! I’m getting it. It’s becoming real. I AM GOING TO PANAMA! In two weeks I will be there. It had hit me briefly a few weeks ago as I was showering with the window open and the sun pouring in. I realized then that the seasons were changing and that warm intoxicating touch of the sun would be my happy sidekick for the coming months. That feeling inevitably left me, but now, in El Mundo coffee shop with my current wonderful sidekick, Stacey, reading about dengue fever and typology of water in the Dominican Republic, I just got it again, and this time I think the realization will stay.

It’ll be strange, this trip, so different from the last. I’m going with Canadians, Americans, and one guy from Nicaragua; (what will the Panamanians think when they see him strutting down the street with the four gringas?) not by myself, with my “I’m going to integrate” attitude. I’m living in an elite area, an old US military base, full of UN and international commerce types, right on the canal; not “the city of paper”, close to the airport, a place where my well-off acquaintances in Peru furrowed their brows at the mention of. I’ll be working for an institute, doing research with university-educated people; not in a boys’ home, full of boys from the street with pasts often cited as examples in textbooks of lives we hope no one ever has. I’m going with a university style understanding of “development” and will look at the politics and gender roles in a way dictated by academics and articles; not the un-read view of the world gained from UWC, World-Ex, and my wonderful hippie parents. I’m going with the mindset of a university student doing an internship for the summer: I see the end, I’m not going to think of Panama as my home. I want to learn how to surf. It’s as if the whole situation has turned on its head and I’m checking the opposite box in every category than I did when I went to Peru. But, I’m taking my Peruvian sweater and my now-Mexican Spanish and I’ll be contacting the UWC Panamanians upon arrival. It’s certainly all connected, all contributing to the same overarching goal – even though I’m not quite certain what that is.

Two weeks and counting. Very exciting.

Summer ends

2007-08-22T13:24:00.000-07:00

Well, it's true - it's August 22 (Happy Birthday Adam) and I have one more week of work at MQUP (McGill Queen's University Press) and 2 weeks-1day until school starts again. Who can believe it? I guess I can; this summer has been the longest ever.

So, I arrived in December, started school, shivered myself to sleep each night, did my homework, wandered lost around cold Montreal, tried to make friends but generally felt quite lonely, missed home, missed Peru, celebrated Easter with Pascale's family, started French, lost a roommate, found two more, had a few people visit, volunteered, danced, got addicted to Grey's Anatomy, figured out how to cook/shop/clean for myself, went to the gym and spent a grande majority of my time in my office, plugged into my computer. Three months of this passed and when April rolled around, my classes ended and the studying began. I remember walking into my POLI exam, it was light out, fresh, but not cold, and I realized where I was, the gravity of my change hit me. People with similar last names as me gathered in the big gym, a good 300 of us stuck in the same room. An under-paid or perhaps simply PMSing TA read us our rules, over and over again, broken record from big-impersonal university hell. I finished my exam as the exam time ended, by which point most of my fellow students had already escaped the stagnant air, a surpise to me as I had sat at the front of my column of 20. I looked around, recognized not one face, and walked out just as I had walked into my first lecture: alone. It was a walk I had made many times - from the gym to the metro - but rarely with sun shining in my face and even more rarely with the feeling of accomplishment and belonging the hit me softly in the stomach at that moment. I looked at my McGill ID card and finally felt I had earned it. I had never had to celebrate such a moment alone before in my life and doing it took some deep sigh and tosses of the hair, reminding myself that it didn't matter, but I did celebrate. I celelbrated doing it-getting here, pushing myself through those lonely classes, study nights, and walks home from the gym. I celebrated finally writing an exam for a course pertaining to my field of study. I celebrated making one step forward toward a clear goal: graduation. It was also a moment of realism: I had never expected to have to celebrate by myself, to pat my own self on the back and have no one else's within reach. I celebrated the jouney then, the process, having somewhere left to go. I knew I would continue to better my MOntreal experience, and I was happy to at least have done as much as I had.

This summer certainly did that. I made new friends, tried new things, filled my days with full time work and my evenings with tennis, chats, friends, and concerts. I can probably count on my fingers the amount of suppers I made at home and can safely say one of my biggest challenges was keeping enough food inthe fridge to make myself lunch. I traveled: NYC, NE, VT (and gonig again this weekend) I laughed, I fought, I dealt with feeling lesser than my older friends, reminding myself that I'm doing pretty good for 21. Lost 2 more roommates, found one more. Bought clothes. Biked everywhere. Made "art" - crafts, but whatever, it's a step. Danced. Started a French course in an attempt in to make up for lost time..tabernacle, it's not an easy one and my dilligence could use some sharpening. It's been a completley different life for me. It's sunny and warm (even though a jacket was required until July at night). I'm working. I have time to just whatever. I have friends. I know the streets. Montreal's a new city in the summer: festivals and people, life, smiles. I'm curious how this next semesmter will be, but I can only see good things. I'm ready to get my mind back in the game, ready to explore intellectually and remind myself and my friends that my first passion is school and learning. I'm excited to have someone to turn to when I need a study break and I'm excited to keep working and be less of a spoiled mooching brat :) It's all optimism at this point, but I'll ride it out, won't question it, because I know come mid-October I'll just be wishing for a few more hours of sleep and an afternoon of not-enough-to-do. But until then.....

summer

2007-04-27T07:55:00.000-07:00

So, I have one more exam left. Just one. Hard to push for that last one. Hard to push for them all really.

But, I was afraid of the end of the school year. I was afraid because I didn't have solid plans for the next, the next step being summer.

Well, I do now! Hippity hoopity!

I have two jobs: cleaning an office and working in one. Neither are very glamorous, but I think they'll pay the bills and that's all I need. That covers goal #1 of the summer: money

So now, I'm looking for someway to keep studying French. That's goal number 2. I don't konw exactly what I'll do: classes, CDROM?? Who knows

THen there's getting in shape. I guess that'll be an evening endeavor as I'll be working 9-5. You know, I don't think I've ever worked 9-5.

The last goal is to volunteer some. I'd love to work in some women's health NGO, but I don't know which or where or how as yet. If not, I'll find some sort of volunteer work to do. This one's still a bit hazy.

Well, Econ is calling my name...peace

carajo!

2007-03-11T07:40:00.000-07:00

President Bush never ceases to surprise me. We go to Iraq to sequre our oil, he refuses to invest in research of alternative fuels or even push for smaller cars, until now. Now, when oil-rich Venezuela's President starts up with his extreme anti-American crusade and gives (but might be a better term) support to other S. American countries with the oil revenues, preaching solidarity and refusal of gringolandia, Bush goes on a tour of S. America to push for more alternate fuels. What a disgusting, obvious show of ulterior motives. It's all about power. It's all about money. The issues are just pawns for politicians to manipulate us with to get what they want. Carajo. Mierda!

click

2007-02-21T14:13:00.000-08:00

Arriving in Montreal a few days after Christmas, and less days than I have fingers and toes after leaving Peru, I was spinning. My head was in skies and I didn't know where or how to plant my feet. My week here was filled with shopping: shopping for apartments, for furniture, for boots. The second week, school started. I went to class in an auditorium that held almost as many people as Firth gave home to. My head just kept spinning. I came "home" and it didn't feel like home. I walked down St. Denis, my street, and it didn't feel like home. I went out, it was foreign. I stayed in, and even my room wasn't mine.

Last weekend, I went to a conference about internships, which proved to be a fun, but somewhat cult experience full of North American "let's get stupid together so we can become friends" philosophy. But, it worked. I made some friends. I had a damn good time, which I needed after having being owned by my studies and midterms the week before.

On Friday, a new friend from this conference invited me to a potluck at her house. Even though Montreal's a big city and has quite an extensive public transport system, there are lots of holes, and you've gotta walk to many places. SO, I did. I walked to her house. Luckily, it wasn't so cold, and it was snowing, beautifully snowing. Somehow, on the walk, as the snowflakes caressed my cheeks and hockey skates on ice, my ears, it clicked. I looked around and it didn't feel so foreign. Not at all. It felt mine. My home. My place. I needed that reassurance so much and since it's come, I've really felt better. Maybe it's just because I'm on vacation from classes this week, or because I had a visitor (Jana, from UWC) come up, but I don't think it's just that. I think, finally, Montreal makes sense, and that's a fabulous feeling.

Montreal

2007-02-02T15:08:00.001-08:00

I don't know how often I'll blog here. I don't feel like it's such a great adventure that I need to document the moments online. Most of what happens affects me emotionally, which, happily or unhappily for you, is reflected upon in my dairy, not my blog. :)

So, god, I've been here for more than a month now. I actually can't remember when I got here...a few days after Chistmas. Dad got sick, as always, and had to stay in the hotel, luckily he'd booked a suite and had a kitchen. Mom and I spent the majority of our time finding an apt., a bed, a desk, etc etc. Montreal's used scene isn't quite so hot as Lincoln's, this must be said. But, I did find an apt., near downtown and I have 2 rooms to myself: a bedroom and an office. We painted the office because it was this kind of pukey apricot...overwhelming to say the lesat. It's not white, which isn't ideal, but a big improvement. I live with a girl from Quebec and a guy from France. i'm the only student. I get on really well with the girl and the guy is friendly, but his english is preeety shaky (better than my french) so it's hard to communicate. The apt. is big and kind of empty. W e have a room to fill up and make a common room. We'll get around to that someday. Right now, everybody just kind of hangs out in his own room.

My classes are fine. I'm taking Intro to Development, Politics, Intro to Development, Anthro, Micro Econ, and French. The profs are generally good and the material is intersting. It's really nice to be studying what I want, finallyy!! No more calculus!! :) Often, the ideas and themes overlap from one course to teh next, which helps see multiple sides of the concept as well as cementing it in my head. the problem is, the classes are huge, lectures and it's impersonal. It's alos hard to meet people in a class of 600. Golly. Firth has 650 inhabitants, my poltics class has 612 students. Walla Walla had 20,000 inhabitants, McGill has 30-35000 students. What a change. What a change.

I've gotten involved in volunteering at the YMCA Covered Garden, which is a community program associated with a government residence for asylum seekers during their first month in Canada. If they arrive on the border, seeking asylum, and know no one in Montreal, they'll be sent there to live for a month. After a month, they get a welfare check so can get an apt. of their own. The Covered Garden is like the living room of the residence and doesn't deal so much with the technical procedures of the place, but helps the refugees get off on the right foot. I've been working witht he kids, whichis fun. I get to speak Spanish and am amazed at how respectful they are!! I'm also helping in a club called AIESEC, but this is a totally self-serving endeavour because it's an internship club and the point is to get an internship in the end. :) the people in the club are nice, though, so hopefully I can meet more people that way.

Montreal's a beautiful city and really laid back. I'm surpised daily at how slooooowwly people walk here! Criminently! haha. It's been super cold, so I haven't been exploring much, but I think I'll be here for the summer, so I have time. I am having a hard time getting myself to be here, though, to believe that I've actually moved here, that this actually is my lfe now. It's all so sudden. and I haven't had a lot of time to just get my bearings. I guess once i make more friends and get more settled (a job would help...) I'll start feeling more at home. Even my room seems a bit forgein,t hough, even though it's stock full of MY things. Anyway, I have to undestand that what I'm doing now does matter because I have 3 midtermns next week and htose grades do matter! :)

So, hm. Don't really knokw what else to say. Peace love and rock and roll.

and then I woke up

2006-12-25T23:07:00.000-08:00

1 hr. after the passing of Christmas Day, of the comfy floor of my parents' new house, I have a little more than 24hrs. to prepare everything for MOntreal. I ask myself if I'm really ready for the next step. I'm still peeling from the sunburn I got from our walk down the coast. I cannot imagine a more obvious symbol of change.

The leaving was difficult. I cried more than I wanted to when I gave them my goodbye "speech" I told them I cared about them and that they were lucky to be where they were, that they shouldn't take Posada de Belen for granted. I may not agree with all of the religious or political, or even social ideas and habits of the directors, but that home provides an opportunity for those boys that is rare in Peru. I called them today and got the experience to support my supposition that it'll be tough to stay in touch with a bunch of teenage boys. :) Well, can't hold on to anything forever.

In my last days in Peru, I celebrated my 21st, which was nice. Went to a bar and stayed out until 6. THe sun came up, the birdies came out, and I went to the sea with some of the friends who had come to say goodbye. I slept at the home a couple more times. I also got an infection and the opportunity to experience Peruvian health care. WE went to a governmentally subsidized clinic made of shipping containers used on barges. For about 1 dollar, I was able to see 3 doctors, 32 cents per consultation. My my. After a minor surgery and a week on antibiotics, I'm pretty much better.

So, Peru is officially over. I can't believe it. I had a toughish time getting used to ENglish again, made silly mistakes for awhile, but am pretty much back in the swing of things. I'm slightly afraid I"m going to forget it all in a month. :) I should really sleep, because, as my parents will attest to, I have not exactly done a great job preping for the trip to MOntreal over the past week...I've got quite a list for tomorrow. :)
This is a pic of us all from our xmas celebration

For more pics, go to http://mcgill.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2007454&l=edec3&id=48101631

selva

2006-12-11T19:52:00.000-08:00

Yes, I have gone to the Amazon. I have seen it. SOrt of. I went to the beginnings of it. I drank straight from the rivers. THe purest, most delicious water I've ever tasted. I saw no monkeys, but one Tucan. LIke I said, I didn't go too far in. But, it was amazing. Amazing. Amazing.

This trip wasn't planned from the start. Made a friendwho lives in Tarapoto, the selva, who told me that I couldn't leave Peru wihtout seeing the jungle and then went to Macchu Picchu (beginnings of the jungle) and realized he wsa right. So, after getting back from that tirp, I started planning this one.

I left the 1st of December, by bus, at night, and headed to Chiclayo, a city of 800,000 people on the northern coast, where Rosa's (the woman I live with) parents live. I chose a seat in the first row of teh 2nd floor, because I wanted to see the sights. DUmb. 1)it was night and i should have been sleeping 2) there's less leg space in that row and so i was cramped and didn't sleep well. hm. one should learn from her mistakes. I arrived in the morning and we greeted by Rosa's short smiley father who'd apparently been there for 3 hrs. waiting for me. I had the majority of the day to spend with them and to get to know the city. We went to a small resteraunt and had turkey sandwhiches a coffee and then for a stroll through the town: to the cathedral where htey were having a special combined mass for an anniversery of some college, complete with mini marching band in the isle, and the frist communion of about 100 little girls all gorgeous in white dresses. Chiclayo is the second best place in Perú for archaeological ruins. I didn't go to any, but hey. It's hot there almost all year round, and the sun is intense. Her dad noted how the people on the street looked at me, from toe to head, stunned by my height. I've grown accustomed to this, but the Peruvian I go out on the streets with haven't. It's always funny to see them realize how the people stare. AFter our stroll, we climbed into a communal taxi and headed to Pucalá, the town where they live. THe ride was nice. The country there is flat, like NE, but with mountains in the distance. Fields of corn and sugar cane. We arrived, talked a bit, went on a walk to a nearby river, ate cebiche and goat (veyr very good) and then i took a nap, a shower, a coffee, and we went back to Chiclayo so I could catch my next bus, to Tarapoto. As we passed by the center of the town, I realized how many people there were just hanging out in the center square (people don't hang out outside so much in Lima because the weather is crappy and it's dangerous.) People here have less in their houses (computers, tvs, etc etc) to divert themselves with, and so they spend their time in the streets, conversing, socializing. My train of thought occured in the opposite direction (from how they have fun in the streets, to how we have fun in our own houses) and it seems to me that there's probably less depression in Peru as a result. They have less but are still happy. Hmmm. All in all, it wsa a really nice day. Great to get to konw Rosa's parents.

Like an idiot, sat in the first row again, and, again, did not get a good night's sleep. 14 hrous to Tarapoto. But, when the sun finally came up and I could finally appreciate the view for which I sacrificed the whole night, I realized I had arrived in paradise. Palm trees. Green green green everywhere. Fruits. Jungle. I arrived in Tarapoto, and looked for my friend. He wasn't there. Hm. Well, that was fine. He hadn't responded to my emails and I was starting to feel a bit nervous about staying in the house of a single guy I didn't konw that well, so I jumped in a taxi (in tarapoto there aren't really taxis, only carts pulled by motorbikes) and started looking for a hotel. Ended up in the Mirador...the most expensive. They gave me a huge discount, but along wiht it a huge lie about how you can't find a hotel for elss than...blah blah blah. It's amazing how hard it is to find to truth if you're ablonde tourist. NIce place, though. That day, I headed to Lamas, a nearby town with little to offer except the "distrito nativo, wayku" I went to a museum, wandered around, and then headed down down down the hill to the wayku. THe difference was uncanny. Unpaved streets vs. the paved ones at the top of the hill. MOre houses, less stores. People chilling on front steps. I felt slightly strange just walking around the residential area as a tourist, but had nothing else to do, so kept on. That town is pretty cool because it's nearly purely indiginous and they seem to be getting on okay. They have their own plaza with statues of different rituals of theirs, ones they still practice. I found a little store of theirs and entered. After buying some things, I asked where the other museum was and a little boy named Jorge said he'd show me. WEll, we didn't find the musuem, but he stuck with me the whole afternoon. We wandered around somemore, had an ice cream, went tup to the Mirador of Lamas to see the view, had a coke, and just chilled. He played games on my cell phone while I wrote in my diary. He wants to be a tour guide when he grows up and likes to accompany the tourists around. It was nice not to be alone. I went back to tarapoto, bought a couple of mangos inthe market and headed back ot my hotel. That hotel is called the Mirador because it has a great view. I climbed up to teh patio and watched hte amazing sun set. Bright bursting oranges and pinks. Very very intense and beautiful. After, I chatted with some of the other guests. A lot of them were there to participate in a 15 day seminar/camp of self cleaning, with the help of halluciongetic plants from teh jungle. Apparently, if you take the plant, called ayahuasca, along with a shaman, the shaman can see all that's lacking in you. It's a plant to "expand the conciousness". After, i went to sleep. :) Humberto, my friend, called my later that night and explained to me that he'd just arrived fromt he jungle jungle and hadn't gotten any of my emails until just hten and that he wanted to meet me at 7 inthe morning to talk things though. very good.

So, he showedup at 6. Apparently he has a son and had been with his son in a village called San Roque de Cumbaza, where his son lives with his mommy. Humberto told me he couild take me there, but that he had to go to CHiclayo for work later that day. Perfect, I thought! Into the jungle jungle. See, Tarapoto, while it is inthe jungle is a city and the majority of the jungle has been destroyed near it. I arrived and immediately felt disappointed with the landscape and the options for exploring because every answer i got was a standard tourist answer. So, we left. Communal taxi to San Antonio, another village in the same valley as Son Roque, about 1 hr away walking. So, we walked. Ithink we needed 2 hrs. Haha. But, we entered it. Jungle jungle. I started to get really excited. THis was why I had taken this trip. So fabulous. Palms and ferns. Totally cool. We arrived and I met the mommy and one of her other kids. SHe lives with her 4 kids and husband in a house made of boards, sugar cane (second floor floor), and palm leaves (roof). They don't have a stove, but use a fire (which makes the food taste delicious!) There's a river about 50 meters from their door and trees full of fruit. Jungle paradise. We spent the day just hanging out and relaxing. They're wonderful people and when Humberto left, they took very good care of me. They helped me find a guid for the hike I was going to take the next day: to the waterfalls.

I got up early, excited for teh hike. Had breakfast, part of which was a yummy concotion of coca flour and maca (for energy) put on my 39 size rainboots (i'm a 42) and headed off with Henry, my guide. I don't really know what to say except that with every step I was amazed and tired. hehe. We slowly got deeper and deeper into theforest. At times we passed through farms, at times we saw smoke rising from pure forest int eh distance where someone was clearing a space for a new field, at times wer were surround by vegitation only. In that part of the jungle, as it's the beginning of the forest, there aren't many animals and there's quite a bit of human activity. We saw piles of boards people had created from the trees of teh forest and Henry explained to me that the marjoity of the people who are living and farming in the forest now aren't from that part of peru, but from the Andes, where the land is overfarmed and underproductive and wehre there's little water. THey come and destroy the jungle in order to farm and the government does little or nothing ot stop them. There are all types of crops: coffee, coco, corn, peanuts (we tried some raw ones from Henry's dad's field yummy). We drank water from the rivers. Pure delicious water. And after about 3 hours we entered teh "tall jungle" or rainforest. And the difference is clear. That's the jungle I was expecting. THat's the Amazon I know from book. Huge tall trees (although smaller because of deforestation) Vines thick heavy air that smells of plant life (not of animals like in the lied jungle hehe) Flowers. BUt, without petals, or wiht petals made of wax like material. Soft earth. Quiet. Bird calls. It's cool there becauseof the shade. So many types of trees. Paradise.

WE arrived at the waterfalls and, again, I was totally impressed. There are two in one spot: one that falls freely, like a tap, for about 150 200 meters and antoerh that falls along a wall of rock for about 400 meters. Both are absolutely stunning. There's a thatch roofed shelter there (tambo) where we slept. We went down to waterfall, and spent about an hour admiring its strength. Back int eh tambo, it began to rain. The clouds came in fast, and obviously, like nothing I'd ever seen before. THey were at our level. LIke clouds of smoke. So thick. It rained hard for about an hour. We had a fire, ate some sandwhiches, Henry made me a puzzle out of a bamboo rod and we just appreciated it. That's all you cando. Immense and mystical it is. So tranquil.

The next morning we headed down to the other waterfall, the one that falls down the rock wall. I felt liek that moment was my goodbye Peru party. We headed back and after two hours of walking, it rained again. Luckily, we had just arrived at a bridge with a roof, so we chilled there, waiting for the rain to stop. It didn't. Two hours and dance in the rain later, we were still wating. It was cool...but also cold and so we decided just to go. Put a plate on my head and my REI jacket on my back (haha) and we headed out. THe rain stopped soon after. We met some farmers who were totally stunned that I had walked all the way there. Don't know whether it's because blondes can't walk, or what, but they were stunned. Spent the rest of the day hanging out wiht the family in San Roque, and slept at their place. THe next moring, I had to go bright and early by means of a 4x4 truck, in the bed of truck, standing up and staring at the landscape with locals. I very much did not want to leave. Very very mcuh., The lifestyle in teh jungle is so different. You remember how little you need all the items of the world you live in and wonder how you can combine the two world. I honestly don't know if I could live in the jungle (lots of mosquitos) but I surely want to go back.

BAck in LIma, I've been spending my time with my boys. I slept over on Saturday and realized that i should have been doing htat from the start. We chatted for acouple hours at bed time. Duh. GO when they don't have to do homework. ON Sunday, we took a nice long walk along the cost from Miraflores to Chorrillos. IT was a religious thing for them. THey walked praying with each step. I felt odd being a part of a religious procession like that. I know what I'd think seeing a group walking and praying (outloud) in the States. We got some support rom the public, nods and salutations. Others laughed. I dind't know what to do. I just stared at teh sea and at time followed along wiht the one prayer I know: santa maria. At teh end, we went to a mass a the top of a hill, at hte end of lima. from there you can see soooomuch of the huge city. You see the richness and poornes in one glance. It was very moving for me to see it all in one bite. AFter, we had some cebiche adn went to the beach. Even though Ididn't havemy swimming suit, I jumped in: my only chance ot swim inthe southern pacific while at the beach. it was really fun. today, i went ot he museum of art. slowly, i'm getting ready to leave. slowly preparing everything. tomorrow, i think we'regoingto the movies and i think i'll sleep there again. man, i do not want ot leave those boys.

Mariachi and Sea Lions

2006-11-30T17:20:00.000-08:00

Rightnow, I should be on a bus to Chiclayo, but I'm going tomorrow because of ridiculous problems with my credit cards. It's scary because if I don't have credit cards, I dont have money and i CANt help myself get out of tight spots easily. BUt, it's all woked out and I'm going tomorrow! YOu'll hear about htat when i get back.

My life was going pretty smoothly for a few days (I think I was recuperating from the Cusco trip. Sleeping and sleeping and sleeping.) But these past few days have been crazy again.

I went to see my friend Erika (who passed her English exam with 125% improvement! and who's leaving for Texas on Sunday. tear) First we went to the Museo de la Nacion, which is a historical museum of Peru (so so many tribes and cultures are there in this country!) We spetn 5 hours wandering around. Wow. BIg musuem. The building itself is like the death star. 100% military architecture. I didn't like that part. After, she invited me to Huacho, the town she was born in to the birthdya party of her boyfriend's sister. Hm. 2 or 3 hours in bus and we were there. Very cool. Midnight party on the roof/patio with the entire family. A bbq. A huge cake and, at 1 in the morning...a Mariachi band came! I thought it was a tradition in Mexico...which it is, but they've adopted it here too. THe poor bday girl had to dance with all the guys present, which was sad at points because some of htem had more than 2 left feet. Very cool. I felt very much in the Spanish world at that point. There were young and old people partying together. IT was a party than ran late into the night (and the young people stayed and the adults stayed up). THere was food at the party (the famous Peruvian bbq), not just alcohol. And, people danced. Very very different. So, we stayed there the night and hten returned the next morning.

This morning, I went on a little cruise of about 5 hours to some islands close to Callao! So cool! We went to Islas Palomino. I had never entered the sea, any sea, like that before. HOurs just sailing towards our destination, watching the waves, and letting the sun burn my face. Gr. But soo beautiful! We went by the island that used to be a prison for the most dangerous criminals but int he 80s there was a riot and Alan Garcia (Who was the President then and is the President now) ordered that all of hte prisoners be killed. So, they were, and it's now just a deserted island. Horrible. We went by an island filllled with birds (ducks, sea gulls, pelicans, and penguins!) Wow. THey're noisy. and sooo sooo cool! THen, we got to the Palomino island, where about 4 or 5 thousand sea lions live. THey greeted us with their odor and thier loud yells. Each male sea lion has about 12 females. THen, we put on our wet suits and entered the quite cold water to swim with them! That's right, we swam with the sea lions! They came so close, I guess they're accustomed to people, and were quite playful. One even touched me! It scared it me, honestly, but wowowowowowowo! Incredible trip. Totally totally incrdible. Beautiful and surprising and wow. I won't forget it! It was the 1st time i got in the Southern Pacific, too.

Well, that's all. Tomorrow I'm off on another journey. !

The trip.

2006-11-22T08:05:00.000-08:00

i'm back! 9ish days of vacation and now, i'm back in lima, living a more vacation like life than before. tired, though...im tired. i think im going ot start saying soy cansada instead of estoy cansada

So, the trip. Day by day. Here we go.

Oh, for pictures go to http://mcgill.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2008102&l=31d69&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;id=48101631

Wednesday, the 8.
I got up hella early in order to finish packing and return my teaching materials to the institute. My class had ended the night before. Three students failed. They're in advanced and don't understand and can't speak. They needed to fail but each of them was unhappy and felt that they didn't deserve to fail. ONe said that she'd have to pay for the course (which is definitely not cheap) because her company pays for it...unless she fails. They said that the other professors had been more understanding (had changed the grades) but I really didn't feel there was anything I could do. I said I'd talk to my boss because if that's what the institute does (just pass the students) then that's what I'd do. So, I had to deal with that mess before I left. I got all my stuff done and headed to Erika's house (not close) (she's the girl I went with) but she wasn't ready. Of course. :) Waited a bit and then, finally, we headed to teh bus station with our backpacks, bag of food, and thermos full of Mate de Coca which helps prevent altitude sickness (we were heading for the mountains.)

We were first going to go to Pisco (the home of the famous liquour Pisco) in order to go to the Islas Bellezas which are kind of like a smaller version of the Galapagos Islands. We took the bus. It was about 5 hrs. I think. Wow, I had no idea but the coast of Peru is desert!! Dunes and all. I was completely shocked. Peru is suppper diverse ecologically. WHen we arrived, we go out of the bus at the "Cruce", which is a couple of km from Pisco and were ATTACKED by taxi driver. Erika then realized what she had gotten herself into...she was taking a vaction to tourist land with a tall blonde gringissima. Well, we found a taxi driver who's hair was a straight-from-the-80's curly mullet (just lacked glitter gel) and headed into town. Our taxista kindly explained to us that it was too late to see the islands that day because the boats only saidl in the morning because the in the afternoon it's too windy and it was already past noon. Hm. Without even getting out of the taxi we dropped off the woman who was sharing our taxi, picked up another passanger, and headed straight back to the Cruce to catch a bus to Ica, a city which Erika assured me was veyr cool, vowing to go back the next day to see teh islands.

Upon arrival in Ica, we were again bombarded with taxi request. They think if your blonde you know nothing....seems to be a theme world wide. hm. :) WE found one and asked him to take us to some cheap hostels (that wash Erika's tactic for finding a hostel we made 0 reservations ahead of time apart from buying our plane tickets) He said there were a bunch and dropped us off int he center plaza. Right there we found a tour company and decided to buy a tour of ICa for 35 soles. We had about .5 hrs before it started so we headed off to find a hostel, which we did with no problems (see, Peruvians live with their parents until they get married...so if they want some privacy before marriage, they go to one of the very very numerous hostels) it was ridiculously cheap 25 for the both of us. And then the tour. Yes, this was all the first day.

We went with one Peruvian guy (the guide) and a couple from France who didn't really speak Spanish. First we went to a local wine tasting/selling area. In Ica, wine and grape growing is a big deal. They have a huge festival every fall to celebrate the harvest. THe thing is, the wine is incredibly sweet because of the heat. Soooo, I didn't like the majority of it. But, we sampled some wines and Piscos and I found myself translating for the French couple and feeling pretty damn cool. No, we didn't sample that much. After, we went to a bigger winery. It looked just like the one in the movie about a ...mmmm well just like that one movie. It's amazing how big the machines/areas for making the Pisco and wine are. I was very impressed. We bought a box of Sangria. We couldn't buy anything else: too early on the trip, but a glass bottle didn't seem like a great thing to tote along. AFter, we went to a desert paradise, a lagoon called Huacachina. It used to be natural but now is supplemented by an artifical water source. Still, it was gorgeous palm tress and the opportunity to climb into a auto of some sort and scale the immense dunes. We decided to save some money (and the environment for heaven's sake) and just go sand boarding. Hehe. It's like snow boarding except on sand. The first few times we went down sitting but finally we got up the nerve to try it standing. Btw, we seemed to be the only girls trying it that way. THis society is quite well defined when it come to gender. Veryy very fun! Gotta say it's hella hard to walk up a dune, though. After our 45 mins (oh yes, no time at all) we went to the Land of the Witches. I didn't totally understand the storythe guide told but there was a witch who lived there until the 80's who enchanted the trees. THere are palm trees there that grow as if they're drunk, like snakes. It's incredible, really. AFter, we had our palms read by a semi famous male peruvian mystic. He told me I'd have 2 kids, that I'm smart, that I'm going to have a very long courting period (like 8 or 9 years), that travel is in my future, that I have a connectoin with the moon, and to be careful with adventure sports...interesting. That was it. We returned to Ica and decided not to eat anything except the food we had an avocado. On our search we walked through the very busy streets of Ica. It felt very different than Lima. Smaller, less dangerous, more authentic, perhaps more chaotic, and totally exciting. We went back to our hotel room and ended up talking the whooollleee night. WHich meant....

The next morning we slept until 10, way too late to try to go see the islands. I was bummed. We packed up our stuff, tried to cash my travellers checks (managed 2 of the three...the other was ripped from when I had put it in my shoe to protect it) got a strawberry juice and headed for Nazca. Before the Incans were many others, including the Nazcans. Nazca is still in the desert but it's on or near a pampa [The Pampas (from Quechua, meaning "plain") are the fertile South American lowlands], , an very delicate area that retains impressions veyr well. This is important because the Nazcan people created extraordinarily huge images, images of all sorts of things but mostly animals. Nobody knows exactly why they created the images. Some think that they were landing strips for aliens, mesages from aliens, messages to the gods, and - my personal favorite - meditational walking paths: that the Nazcans walked the lines of the images and meditated on the energy of the animal/form they were creating. The flight was 55 bucks (our flight from Cusco to Lima was 48 haha) and lasted about 20 mins. Quite expensive, but the views were great. Unfortunately for Erika, sh edidn´t get to see many of the figures because she was trying to keep her lunch down. The pressure in the cabin was horrendous and with every turn, I felt my brain compressing into a penny. We were happy to land. After, we headed into Nazca to see the sights for a bit with a Scottish girl we had met on the plane. She's here teaching English in the Andes. She's an investment banker in Scotland. See? It's never too late to do an amazing project. 1 fanta later and we were off ot the bus station to catch our bus to Cusco. Pretty comfy. THey gave us food. BUT...they played "Balads en ingels" the whole time! Oh jeez. I had "I said I loved you but I lied. THis is more than love I feel inside..." stuck in my head for days.

viernes 10
I woke early (duh, on a bus you don't sleep too well) and climbed into the free seat at the front of the bus on the second level. Wow! I instantly fell in love with the scenery. It was soo green! We had come from the desert and entered a mix of Tuscany and Lord of the RIngs. Amazing. We'd climb a mountain and then see immense valleys and little villages for miles. Incredible. I tried to take some pics from the window. :) We'd drive through villages and the children would stop and stare. It's like were were photo-shopped into image. SUch a culture clash. Here we were,on our leather seats, 90 soles a pop, and those kids without enough to eat starting and wondering who those strange blondes beasts inside were and why our lives wer so different. HOnestly, I found myself thinking the same thing. Anyway, we arrived in Cusco,and were,surprisingly, not attacked by taxi drivers. Phew. We left with a couple from Holland who I'd met on the bus, to find a hostel, sending Erika ahead to find a taxi in order to get a fair price. AFter some searching we settled on Girasoles, a hostal a few blocks from the center on a quiet, somewhat sketchy, pedestrain walkway. We dropped off our stuff and set out to setlte all the business there was to be settled: tourist ticket to get into the ruins and museums of Cusco and surrounding area: 35 soles (student price), choclo (corn) from a trash can pot on the street (delicious!) 1 sol, my train ticket to Macchu Picchu 58 dolars, Erika's 30 soles...she took the'local train', which only Peruvians can take. I had to take tha 'backpacker'for gringos...This was good for her wallet, but proved to be a slight problem on Tudesdya, when we went to Macchu Picchu. Yea, after al the business was settled, we ate our first tourist menu in Cusco (very good) and headed off to a traditional dance show. It was very cool and interesting, but of course, there was an annoying and rude AMerican behind us who kept making smart ass remarks. Gotta love it...
We didn't go out Friday, even though we had hurried ourselves a lot to get there by Friday because Cusco supposedly has the best nightlife in Peru, because we were simply too exhausted form all the hurrying. :)

Saturday 11
We went out to the museums of Cusco with our Dutch friends. Went to 4 musems, the first of which was the Monastary of Saint Catalina, which, I believe, was the Cuscainan (my adj. for things from Cusco) school of painting for a long time. Before the Spanish arrived, the Incans had their own school of art right there, inthe very spot where hte monastary stands today. THe SPainards, of course, conquered the area, and to reinforce their power, built their new monastary/school of right on top of that of the Incans. They began to teach the Incans (and then the mestisos) how to paint in SPanish styel. THere are some interesting mixes of Incan and SPanish culture. For example, the local Virgen looks like an Andean woman facially. Also, her form is that of a mountain, seriously, she a big hill. :) We spent the rest of the day wandering around musuems, looking at artifacts and art objects and in the afternoon, it rained!!! I was soo happy. I really miss the rain. We also went to a museums that was exibiting stuff from the oh my...i can't remember. Another society form Peru, but much much older. THe oldest in S. America, Ithink. THe problem is, by this point my head was a little too overloaded with info because everything was new and and Spanish. Damn, can't remember. Well, their center is aabout 3 hrs. from LIma. It's possible I'll go. THat night we did go out, to a club called Mama Africa. No african music and lots of tourists, but a good time was had by all.

domingo 12
Heading to the 'far-away' places of tourist ticket, again with our Dutch friends. First we went to Chinchero. Wow. THat may have been the coolest town we went to. There's a market there every SUnday where teh local people trade their goods. The people of the Andes seem to have few options when it comes to employment, so a grand number because entrepeneurs and make/sell their produce and handicrafts. There are at least 2 or three at every tourist stop selling amazing thngs and dirt cheap prices. That's competition for you, I guess. I was shocked, though. They still wear thier traditional clothing! I had no idea...I kindof thought the people I had seen in LIma dressed like that were just trying to look more authentic to sell more things. Nope, the Andean people still speak the language of the Incan and make thier own clothes. The women wear tall hats and beautiful skirts, a couple of sweater, and always have a blanket tied around their back, in which their carrying a baby or a bunch of lettuce or somthings to sell. There were tons of people int he village too because there wa a big political debate/demonstration for the elections which were just 1week and 1 day away. SO MANY PEOPLE. Wow, I entered the marketand started searhcing. Spent a good hour there. Found yarn of Alpaca, which my mom had specifiaclly askedme to get for her, but I didn't know which color she'd want, so I grabbedmy telephone card (which I had luckily brought along) and headed to the public telephone to find out. Amazing. Blue and just 1. :) THen, went up to the church (which was the reason we had gone in the first place) which was pretty cool and then we passed some time staring at the imensity of the mountains. So so gorgeous. AFter, we went back down to the market/demonstration, totally intoxicated by the culture, and waited ofr our Dutch friends to reappear. Then, we headed to Pisaq.

Pisaq is a town near a ruin of a huge Incan town in the mountains. We arrived (on bus after I apparently yelled Chancha (which means fund or sow) instead of cancha (which means popcorn) from the window of the bus, trying ot help our dutch friends) in Pisaq hungry and ready for lunch. So after a refreshing break, and a much less impressive market, we headed in taxi for the ruins. On the way up we made a dealwithour taxi driver that he would take us to our next location too. Very good. He dropped us off and we started hiking. God! SOOO beautiful! In the mountains, near the tops (no snow) and this amazingly ancient, well built, pretty well intact Incan city appears. There are aquaducts and rooms and I don't know what else. It's so amazing and the views are absolutely incredible. We spent a good hour or two wandering around, but then it was starting to get dark and we still had 2 places on our list, so we headed back to the taxi driver and headed on. Erika imediately fell asleep (understandable) and I was left as the #1 Spanish speaker....which always makes me feel good. hehe. The driver took us to Pikillacta, assuring us that we could get in and that it was illuminated at night....the ride was as gorgeous as every but when we arrived, it was so dark, we couldn't even see our hands in front of our faces. Lier. Oh well, he tried to make it up to us by shining his headlights on soem ruins outside of the park, but honestly we couldn't see anytihg. Oh well, we headed to Cusco, in his cab and paid him a total of 75soles. Damn damn cheap. It had been a good hour or two in the car with him by that point. He has to pay his gas out of that. It's incredible how little they make...and, I'm sure, this was a good day becuse he had paying passengers for the majoriyt of the day. Bought a couple beers and played some card games witht he Dutch when we got back. That was it. Too tired to go out.

Monday 13
The last circuit on our tourist ticket, the close places. You're supposed to be able to walk to 4 sites which are at most 7 km from Cusco, but as weeklings, we didn´t. Before anything, we headed to a museum whihc had been an Incan temple, the most important. A taxi driver had told us it was 70 soles...it was 3. Hehe. So we ran through, seeing what we could see. Of course, the Spanish took it over as well, so there's a nice mix of Incan workmanship and Cuscainan (which, by definition is an example of "cultural fusion") art. Then, we headed to the ruins. Took a combi up the hill to Cristo Blanco. It's a huge white statue of Jesus, with his arms wide spread, so that he forms a cross. It's totally visible at night, as you can imagine. There are lots of these crosses in Peru. The Incans believed the hills were connections to the Gods, so by putting the Christian symbol at the peak of the hill, the Spainards took advantage of a prexisting believe to further thier own religion. We went to Saqaywaman and without a guide learned little. :) Everywhere, though, in these ruins are figures of Condors, Pumas, and Snakes, which were the central gods for the Incans. The COndor was the messenger to the Gods, becuase of how it rises in the sky. The Puma was the God of the world becaus of its ability to dominate over other animals. The Serpent was the God of the dead/world because it lives int he earth andt he water. At the bathrooms of Saqsaywaman, we were presented with the opportunity to continue our tour on horseback. 20 soles. 2 hours. All the places, plus 2 more on our tourist tickets. We took it! We went with our young, 16 year old guide, to his farm and met our skkkiiiinnnnyy horses. Santiago was the name of mine, a sort of bully really. Poor horses. So skinny, and they had to carry us (Erika's horse was a bit luckier in the draw.) up and up and up. Well it was fun. Our guide walked the whole time. His name was Angel and was so very vrey calm. He says he walks/rides through the mountains often. He seemed to have the peace of his land in his soul. He was 16, though and not in school, even though it was Monday. So, we went to some caves with him, to Pukapukara (a fortress), where we found our Dutch friends who were walking everywhere), to Tambomachay (neat examples of aquaducts), where we just missed an apparently insane American preaching about the water and cancer, and then to the Temple of the Moon. The Moon was the wife of teh SUn, the #1 God. A little girl who was just chillin' there with her family (not in school either...) showed us around. The table for sacrifices (human and llama), the area for storing arms, and the little hole where she said women gave birth. I didn't know, but in Spanish, "give birth" is "dar la luz", "give the light" I was totally confused, "Light? What? huh?" But, it's cool, I relaly like how they say it. AFter that, we went to another ruin, quickly, as it was starting to get dark, Q'enqo, which is a laberinth like temple. They made a lot of sacrifices there and there are canals for the blood to run down the rocks in. Then, we hopped into a combi and ran off to Tipon, which is supposed to be one of the most impressive ruins, and the one which were were going to see after Pikillacta the day before. We arrived and the sun was setting. We weren't sup`posed to be let in, but they let us and we ran around. It's huge set of terraces and impressive aquaducts. The Incas were so advanced. Very pretty. As we were leaving, the workers who are reconstructing a part of the ruins asked us to give them a lift downt he mountain. Sure we sid, so they piled in. Pretty fun.

martes 14.
Macchu Picchu!! In order to get to Macchu Picchu in one day, you have to get up super super early because the trip there is about 3 or 4 hours. We took a bus to Ollantaytambo because 1)there's a neat ruin there and 2)the train for me is about 10 bucks cheaper, which is 30 soles, which is three big meals. We arrived in Ollantaytambo and I lost my glasses, so started searching in all the combis. Luckily, we found them. Bought a cap to protect my very burnt and sore scalp and had a juice int he market. Then, we headed down tot the trian station. Like I said, Erika took a different train than I did. So, I left. I was surrounded my Germans or Dutch people in trian and fell asleep. But the scenery fromt he trian is phenominal! Near Macchu Picchu, the terrain changes. It starts to become jungle. Wow. I arrived in Aguas Calientes, and to wait. Went to buy my ticket, had a coffee, and walked arond the thermal baths (hence, aguas calientes...hot waters) Erika was supposd to arrive at 1130, but wrote a message and said she was coming at 1230. Went to wait for her...the local train doesn't arrive in a station, but just on the street and everyone told me the local train had already passed. Out of money on my cellphone, I didn't know what to do, so i decided to head up to Macchu Picchu and wait fro her there...I figured she was alreayd there. She wasn't. (apparently, she had missed her trian and had taken another) but I was waiting waiting wiatng and then this group of teenagers from the highlands approached me and asked if they could take a photo with me. At first i thought they wanted me to take the pic...but no. They're from parts where few gringos go and wanted to document me, like I want to document the people int he villiages. I thought it was strange until I remembered how I've snapped shots of people working on farms and in buses. BUT I'M NORMAL...right. She finally arrived adn we finally headed in. Wow. It really looks like that. Wow. It's huge and super high up in the mountains. I can't really explain it (except to say that it amazing and always filled to the max with tons of people and there are llamas in teh center) You'll have to see the pics. Very very cool. We stayed for about 3 hours, when I had to go back. I got on my train, took my seat, and realized that I was surorunded by a group of Spanish guys who had just finished the Inca Trail. They were talking tlaking talking and at one point, one said,¨"But she doesn't understand"...I just turned to him and smiled. We talked the rest of the way to Ollantaytambo, where we were going to get off...but couldn't. Because of contruction or something, we had to head 2 km farther, into the middle of nowhere (which meant I didn't get tos ee the ruins, oh well). They had a personal van which was going ot take them back to Cusco and I asked for a ride, as I really didn't have other options. Lucky. They took me and that was that. Erika arrived later and went out again. We were pretty lame really int he night...too tired to really take advantage of Cusco's nightlife. But, because there are sooo many tourists there, you'll find the discos packed everyday. That's why they say the nightlife is great. It's okay in my opinion. Not many options. But Cusco itself is a gorgeous city: small stone cobbled streets, a gorgeous center square, churches and much less pollution and noise than in Lima. And, it rains. Ah.

Wed. 15.
To Puno! (Lake Titikaka) We didn't get up as early as we would have liked (neither of us are good at getting up) but we managed and headed tothe bus terminal to buy our tickets. Luckily, we found one, ate some fish for 2 soles and jumped on our bus. Another beautiful ride! 7 hrs. Very pleasant. We arrived in Puno at night, found a taxi driver who took us to a hotel and offered us a tour of the islands the next day. Checked in, and went out to explore Puno a bit. Had some food and returned to sleep.

jueves 16
Got up early ot go on our tour of Los Uros (the islands of Lake Titikaka) The lake, near the marina, is totally covered in algea. It's gross looking, really. Our tour boat drove us slowly to the islands, which aren't natural...they're made of a plant from the lake called tortora, which I dont' know how to say in English. THye make their islands! The look like big mats of straw, with little straw teepees (tipis?) sitting on top. It's incredible. Very yellow. The people who live there are the original indigenous peoples of the islands, and htey still live somewhat like before. They're very poor. Very poor. But,t hey seem to live off of tourism, with the tours and selling hteir crafts. I don't know about it. It seemed like they had to live in Disneyland everyday, working in the hot Goofy suit, or something. THey dont' live as before, but neither as a average person in the modern world. Life seemed hard and boring. But, I didn't get to see much because the tour was short and not designed to give the tourist an insight into the lives of the people, really. They do have solar panels, which the government have them. Aobut 8 of the islands have them. Some have radio now and a way to warm water electrically. It also means they cna stay up late working on their handicrafts. OH, I ate tortora! Thye eat it. Apparently, it's high in potassium and calcium and very good for you. It's not sweet, it's not salty, just juicy and refreshing. Wow, those islands were unlike anything I'd ever seen before. SO yellow. SO soft. So small. Wow. on once, I called my dad from a phone powered by solar power. hehe. After, we returned to Puno and headed to the bus station to go back to Cusco. We went out agian that night in Cusco....and then next morning...

Friday 17
THat was it. We headed to the airport and stood in line for ever behind a couple nice AMerican doctors who had just finished a few days operating on poor kids in Cusco. They ahd come with an organization called Healing the CHildren. Fascinating. Upon boarding we took some silly pictures and then crashed. Tiiiireeed. I did wake to eat my breakfast but after, I was completely out. And then we landed. There was 0 notice...and yes, my seat was still in its reclined position. Oh my.

In the airport, I asked a taxi driver how much he'd charge me to my house. He asked me for the direction and i told him. THen he told me 25 soles, when it should be about 5 and I laughe din his face. If I know how to get where I'm going, I also know the rates. Dummmy. Luckily, Erika's sister showed up complete with 5 month old daughter, servant, and two dogs and she gave me a lift home.

ONce at home...I can't remember what I did. It was Friday monring and I was tired. Oh yes, I found aunt Lucky, frying chicken so that Gaby could go sell it. We talked and then I slept. I was going to go get my pay (because at that point I was totttaaally broke) but I slept too long. I went to see my boys later (yay!!) and then I went to Villa ElSalvador to Florian's goodbye party. It was more of an improv show than a party. Very fun. Stayed up until 7 playing truth or dare with a bunch of adults. How funny. After, said goodbye to Florian and bought a beer with a few of his friends at 10 in the morning. It was the election period, and in Peru supposedly no one is supposed to sell alcohol for the days surrounding the election, but we found some and drank them on the street. 2 hrs later (2 hrs. in th bus later) I was in my house and ready to sleeeepp. Yea, the next day ERika called me, begging me to come to her house to help her with her ENglish because her exam (the reason that she took my ENglish class in the first place) was the next day. I went but about 10 mins after I got there my SPanish friends called and told me they wer ein Lima because of flight problems and that I should come see them. I went. Yes, I abandoned Erika but I promised to come back the next morning (which I did) Yes, and then it was Monday and my vacation, which I though would end on Friday was officially done. Phew. And then I slept some more.

This weke has been pretty chill. I've slept a lot. ON Wednesday I went to an improv. show, which was quite funny. Today, my family is hosting a pollada, which is a party where they sell chicken adn dance a lot. It's a very Peruvian thing. Our house is filled the noise of a pollada almost every weekend because they have them in the playground of the school across the street very veyr often. It'll be my first one. A must-do in Peru, apparently.

not much to report

2006-11-02T08:42:00.000-08:00

That's a silly title for a posting, I guess. Maybe I should not write anything instead of not much. Anyway.

This past weekish is was full of working. I worked and worked and worked. It's almost over. One class ends tomorrow and the other on Tuesday. Then, I'm going to Macchu Picchu!! Yay! I think I'll leave on Tuesday or Wed.! Hehe. I'm actually going with one of my students, so it's not all bad that I had to wokr (I can also afford to go now.)

On Sat. we celebrate Halloween with the boys. It's kind of surprising they celebrate Halloween because the cardinal said that Catholics should not celebrate it, that it's an evil holiday and the directors are seriously religious. BUt, they were educated by N. American Methodists and it's part of their personal culture. So, they explained to the boys that they were not doing anything bad, simply putting on costumes and having a party. APparently some of the neighbors think it's absolutely horrible that they celebrate Halloween. I tried and tired to find a pumpkin but I couldn't! BUmmer. On the actual day of Halloween, I went with one of my students to a bar. It was totally packed and there was a little salsaish band. We had a very good time. Apparently, in Peru, a large percentage of the population go out on Oct. 31st to listen to Musica Criolla (black Peruvian music) Cool.

Yesterday, someone tried to rob me. I was int he taxi, writing a text message and the front window was open. THe taxi stopped in traffic and a youngster (17-23yrs old) ran up, reached his hand through window and tried to take my phone. He didn't manage and we drove away immediately (he ran away too) It didn't scare me too much but it was definitely surprising!

Oh, I've decided to go to McGIll in Jan. I can't make an 8 month commitment with 0 concrete plans.

Since, there isn't much news, I thought I'd make some general comments.

WHat there is a lot of here:
Babies, young children, pregnant women, little stores, traffic, pollution, noise, people working all the time, racism, people, rice, good food, combis, religious processions (at least in Oct.), language institutes, public displays of emotion, kisses on the cheek, women in skimpy dresses trying to sell/convince you of things...such as political candidates, bicycles attached to carts toting everythign from mattresses to furniture to people to dogs to pastries, street corner cafes where you can eat bbq and cebiche (mmm had some from a street this weekend. wow amazing!), theives, brick walls, political propoganda, brick houses, houses painted in colorful ways, markets, people selling popcorn/cookies/gum/whatever in the street...they come onto the bus to sell their stuff, cellphones, fruit, short people, homes made out of nothing (not tons but plenty), kfcs, pizza huts, mcdonalds, chifas (chinese food), use of the diminuative, public displays of affection, hungry children, catholics

What there isn't a lot of here:
Blondes, foreigners, personal cars (that depends on the area, I guess), coffee shops, libraries, green things(grass, trees, flowers), birds, sun (for now), tall buildings, apt. buildings, swimming pools, female taxi drivers (have not seen 1), females who work int he combis/transport, fur coats, starbucks (but there are some), parks, live statues (ive seen one), insects (cant survive the pollution?), condoms, free education,

Well, that's a start. I'm leaving for Cusco and Macchu Picchu on Wednesday. I'm totally excited, evne though I'll be away from my boys for 9 days. :(

OH, there are more photos in the photo link.

besos y abrazos a todos

It's a miracle, I got another job!

2006-10-22T19:30:00.000-07:00

What a week it's been! My new job is going well, even though I had 0 training. Conversation class. The students can sort of speak. hehe. Yea, and then....i got another one! It's a huge plus being a native english speaker. Es obvio que Ricke tenia razon cuando dijo que, si quieres ir a suda america, ¡ve! Puedes encontrar un trabajo/la plata para tu viaje cuando llegues. I can get a job in an instant. I feel a little guilty because not only am I from a priveledged country, but I'm priveledged wherever I go. I look at those around me who are struggling to make ends meet and it makes me realize how very very lucky i am. I spoke wiht a combi driver the other morning. He told me he works from 530 in the morning ot 830 at night, driving the whole time...and i'll bet he doesn't make very much. Remember, a 1 hr. bus ride is about 40 cents per passanger. THe janitor at my work is there from 730 in the morning to 930 at night. BUt anyway, the new class is with one girl only. In the morning 1.5 hrs.from my house. So now, I get out of the house at 830 in the morning, arrive there at 10. Stay with her until 1. Go to the boys home. Arrive 245, 3. Leave for my other class at 630. Arrive 730. Stay until 930. Get home at 10, 1015. Long day. I think that0s what made me sick.

That'sright, got the flu this weekend. Fever and everything. I'm getting better. DOn't think my various hours in transport tomorrow willhlep, but what can i do?

In other news, there was an earthquake! Acutally, two. Just little ones. The first was a couple days agoand i really didn'tknow what was goingon. I though the girlwho sleeps above me was moving a lot in her bed. hehe The whole famiy jumped out of bed and got into the 'safe zone'. THe mom said there hadn't been a temblor that strong for 10 yrs.! THe other was today and was smaller. hehe.

Also, I went toone of the biggest religious processions in the world onwed. There is an image in teh center of lima that's about 300 yr. old. A slave painted it. There was (ahem) an earthquake and the entire church fell down excep the wall where the painting was. FOr this reason, it's totally sacared. Every year, there's this huge procession (apparently people form all over the world come) in the streetsof lima. the image is called 'señor de los milagros' =sir ofthe miracles=jesus of the miracles. the streets are filled with a sea of people walking in the procession with a copy of the image. it's a huge deal. i went with the boys on wed. morining (they were excused form school). we went to the main squre. the center of lima is a totally different world. it's not well maintained, but the architeqture is just like in europe...except fallin apart. the plaza mayor is in tip-top condition, however. so, on one side is the palace of teh mayor, another, the president's palace, and hte other, the archbishop's palace, a.k.a the official cathedral. all three appeared for a bit. very exciting. wow, so many people. very impressive.

yea, so i didn'tgoout wiht weekend and the majoiryt of my days are spent in transport, but that's only for 8 days more. thank goodness!

paz

fotos

2006-10-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

Here's a link to some photos from my trip!

http://mcgill.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2007454&id=48101631&l=edec3

Happy Birthday Shawn Dean

2006-10-15T17:40:00.000-07:00

2 weeks more. Who could have guessed?

Two weeks ago, on Saturday the 7th, I went to the house of one of the women who works at Posada de Belen for lucnh. She lives in La Punta, which is a very nice, historic, tranquil area of Callao that is surrounded on three sides by the sea. There was a small parade (the district is only 10x4 blocks) because La Punta was celebrating its 91st anniversary. There was a marching band (only boys on the lead drums, girls on the xylophone and 2nd drums...grr). Also, the majority of the clubs and schools from La Punta participated. Because the parade was only 2 blocks long (hehe), each group did a little performance. The majority presented dances, one presented a traditional dance from Cusco. Wow, that ws really cool. I really like La Punta. A person can go outside and relax with clean air and little noise pollution. ah.

The next day I went with a friend who works in a theater NGO to a festival against sexual violence in Villa Elsalvador. Villa Elsalvador is a part of Lima that is comprised mostly of shanty towns. It's very dusty in there because there isn't any grass nor any paved streets. Villa Elsalvador has developed recently, since the 70's more or less, because people from other parts of Peru have moved to there to find work in LIma. It's huge and a very poor area. Very poor. But, I liked it. It was more tranquil there. A person could go outside, run, play soccer, breathe a bit. I realized how, at least for me, a bit of room to maneauver is necessary to feel comfortable. It's poor but not desperate. I think generally the level of crime is lower there, too. It seems that inner city poverty is the worst. It just traps a person.

In other news, I got a job! I'm an English teacher. Very cool. I had an interview in Sept. and was told I'd be contacted in a week and never was. I called the company about two weeks ago and spoke with the boss and he said he'd call me soon. He didn.t SO I called again...turns out they didn't have my phone number. Haha. I called on Wednesdsay, went to another invertiew on Wed., and then...started my class Wednesday night. haha. My class meets everyday Mon-Friday for 1.5 hrs. Very cool.

This weekend was fun. Went to a friend's house frinday night and last night I went to the theater. THe other volunteer who came here thru the UWC comitee works in the theater NGO and through him/the NGo, I've met a few actors...one of which presented his 'obra' (work) sat night. It was interesting. After, we went to the RPP (the main news radio station in Peru, I believe) station for an interview. Hehe. Very cool. Got to put some faces with some voices.

So, I've been thinking a lot about whether I want to come back in December, ornot. I know I went to a lot of work to get a 1 semester deferral, but it seems like a better idea to take another semester, stay here more times, get closer to the boys, learn spanish better, see more of peru, understand the peruvian more naturally, etc. I'm thining I'd stay until March or April, then return to somewhere where I could make some money, and then go to a French speaking area for a couple of months to get a head start on french, which will help tremendously in Montreal. The French spekaing area could be France or Africa, or both. Haha. Really, I've been thinking about this alot.

Besos

one more thing

2006-10-01T18:18:00.000-07:00

One more thing: I realize that I am very very lucky to be form teh USA (i just wrote UWC...haha, that too) because my culture is everwhere. It's exausting being totally encompassed by another culture: more than anything the language difference is tiring. But I hear my language almost everyday: on TV or radio, or someone will say some random word. I have lots of breaks back into my own comfort zone, which helps. Plus, I have a few friends with whom I speak English. Aw, it feels so good to speak English sometimes. I finally understand why people naturally migrate to their compatriots when in foreign lands.

1 month

2006-10-01T16:55:00.000-07:00

As always at the 1 month milestone, I feel like I've been here for much more than a month but also don't know exactly where the time has gone. This morning I woke up (unfortunately somewhat late) to find a little painted Peruvain box, full of chocolates with a note that read: for Mariel, for ur time here in Peru. It was a gift from my family for the 1 month marker. So sweet. Good chocolate too. :) For lunch they cooked up a storm. I hadn't tried cebiche (a type of Peruvian sushi: fish cooked only by super acidic lime...the acidity of thier limes is something Peruvians are quite proud of) Loved it. Well, loved it was too strong. Enjoyed it. It's not fishy like I thought it would be. Just good. ALso, today I realized that I have begun to partially dream in Spansih. YAY! :) very good sign. Yes, my rooma has told me that now I speak in bothENglish and SPanish in my sleep. hehe.

THis week flew by! I discovered the cultural activities calender in the newspaper last weekend,which means that I'm going to be spending fewer weekend nights in the apartment wondering what to do with myself. It's also great because it gives me more that i can do with my boys. They don't get to go out much, especially insmall groups and I'm planning on taking a couple out to free activities I find in the paper once a weekish. THe only problem is money. Right now, I'm paying.

Tuesday I went with a couple of boys to the opening of a recently renivated photography room in the Museumof Art in the center of Lima. NOrmally entrance is 10 soles (3ish bucks) but it was free! yay! Dunno if they liked it or not, but at least they entered that museum and got to look around, be around artsy type people, and be exposed to something a little different. There were some photos from the photographer Chamby. WOw. Loved it. He shot int he 20s but his work was veyr much ahead of its time: not only for clarity but because he creatred art, didn't just snap a photo to remember an event. Wow. After we walked around in the park that surrounds the museum. THe boys liked that a lot more. Me too. THat part of LIma is so very very very different. It's oldand the arquitecture is European. Less noise, more glamour. Totally different. Rosa, the mom of the family, accompanied us. it was very nice. I know the boys enjoyed it. TRHe only problem is that we have to take public transport there and back and it's very tiring. I think I spent 3ish hrs. in transport that day. It was worth it, though. ON the way back, in the taxi, Rosa pointed out a group of people with buckets sitting on the side of the road. THey're there to steal food from the trucks which travel this road,she said. Scary.

Friday I went to a theater production which the other volunteer who came to peru thru the uwc comitee directed. The actors were kids and it was fun enough. Veyr impressive that he managed to direct because he hasn't been here long and only had 2 weeks of spanish before leaving. wow. AFter we went to his NGO (he lives there) which is a theater NGO for a 'Night of Stories? very fun. I slept there because it's about 2 hrs away from my house. WOw. I went form one end of the world to the other. THey performed the play in a college in VIlla Maria, one of the most southern points of the city, in the hills. I remember one night in Miraflores, staring down the coast of Peru when my friend pointed to a glowing light waaaay far away and said, that's the end of the LIma. Well, that light was a cross which I passed on my way to the college. I don't know how I wouldhave done the trip alone...luckily i didn't havto. I called one of Florian's (the volunteer) friends and we went together. SHe's Peruvian...thank god. WE had to take a million different buses to get there...and it's not exactly the safest area of Lima. SHanty towns, dirt road, poverty poverty poverty. We made it though. yay. THe NGO is in an equally poor neighborhood, if not more. When I woke up in the morning I took some time to just look around. WHere I live, it's obvoiusly the 3rd world,but it's more like the developing world. THere, it's simply the 'undeveloped world'...they don't have hot water int he ngo. it was good form me to see. ANother thing is that there arent tons of apartment buildings. Lima just sprawls on forever (which is very impressive at night:all the hills are full with dots of light from the individual houses) because people have individual houses...at least in the poorer areas. Houses perhaps isn't always the right word: they're definitely homes...maybe not houses.

AFter the Night of Stories/party, I had to wake up at 630 becaus I had to be back in Callao (2 hr. journey at minimum...but, miraculously there's a bus that passes exactly from the residential district werhe the ngo is to my house. 1.40 soles...that's like 40cents...2 hrs. wow) at 9 because one of the brothers in teh family's soccer team asked me earlier this week if I'd be the 'godmother' for their team. THere's a tournament within their school...big deal, annual thing. THe 'godmother' generally buys uniforms or a new ball, but i had no idea about any of this and i think they just wanted a blonde to walk with them during hte inaugueration ceremony. It was fun. Very immpressive. THey gave me flowers and, I don'0treally know. Hilarious experience. I was happy they asked me.

After the inaugueration (how in the world is that spelled??) ceremony I went back to Posada de Belen to pick up a couple of other boys to take them to a different art show. WE went to a expo. about Aids. Yea....in the beginning we were shown a documentary about a photo shoot for the cover of a magazine in the states about HIV/AIDS. The idea for the shoot was to fill a room with naked HIV+ people. We saw everything. They're so religious in the home, I wondered if they'd be bothered by that. THey said no, that they weren't shocked. THe exibit was very nice, I liked it. THe boys...didn't want to admit it if they did. I asked each what his favorite photo was. THey both said neither. But, when one of the boys left the room, I took the other overto a photo and asked him what he thought. At first he said nothing, but after a while he loosened up and as we were leaving he told me that yes, that foto was his favorite. :) exposure.

after that, i went by myself to another art exibit about nature. it was interesting. afterthat, to a bad concert which was fun enough...and then i came home to sleep. i htink i spent about4.5 hrs in transit yesterday.

I guess another marker of my 1 month here is that I got around to all these new places (wiht prior instructions from my family) all alone, without problems. I can be autonomously mobile in the huge huge huge labrinth of roads and buses.

yes, and so i begin another week and another month. i'm excited.

spring

2006-09-24T18:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day of spring and the sun actually came out! That was exciting. It wasn't too warm but there was a bit of sun. (In case you don't know, Lima is overcast for the entirety of winter. Gray clouds. No sun, generally. The light, though not direct, can be bright...but no sun) I think the weather will continue getting better and better.

This week with the boys was not normal. While our time together went fine and I got to love them all a bit more everyday, I encountered serious frustration with the home itself. Last week one boy ran away. He went to live with a neighboor and aparently told her that they don't feed him in the home, they hit him, they keep him in a dark room, and other such lies. This is not the first time he's run away. He's done it quite a bit, actually. The women came to see the home and when they saw that the things he said couldn't possibly be true, they didn't know what to do. I believe originally they were going to go to a judge and tyr to get custody of him. NOw, who knows. I asked one of the directors what'll happen to him if they decide not to try to get custody. 'He'll go to a center run by the police' he told me. He can't come to the home. It's sad. Very sad. I respect this decision. THat place is a community and this boy obviously can't be part of the community. The reason I got upset with the director was becuase he never stopped to think about why the boy may have run away. Yes, all the boys have food, a bed, a shower, school...their basic needs are met..more than. THat's a great thing, something the boys wouldn't have otherwise, but that place is supposed to be their home and it's more like a holding cell or prison...at least it feels that way sometimes. THat director just yells and yells. He never smiles. He has so many rules that it's no wonder one of the boys is always 'doing something wrong.' THey have to finishall their food. THey have to eat a a certain pace. ON Monday they're all going to get their hair cut the same way. They have no liberty. THeir reasoning skills are not being cultivated. More than this, though, these boysare victims of violence and they not only are not reciving regular psychiartric care (because of lack of money, i believe) but they're not even being treated with the respect and love a normal child would be. I can harldy stand to be in the same room when that director talks to the boys. They don't want to be bad, but that environment is so rigid, even I want to break all the rules. He talks to them like they're adults. 'You need to change. You've been here three years and u still haven't changed. If u don't change, you know what'll happen.' He also said, 'I'm not oging back tot he school foryou. No more.' (there are some problems getting them into school because they'renaughty.) IF U DON'T WANT TO GO BACK,IF U DON'T WANT TO DO THE THINGSTHAT THESE BOYS NEED...LEAVE!!! He lives there with them. He needs a vacation. He needs a life of his own. I got really upset. I have to think abouthow i want to approach this sitiuation and what i wantto do...waht i can do.

on a lighter note, a funn sotry. ONe of the political parites of the region has an officeon the ground floor of our building. ON friday they set up a stage and it looked like they were going ot have a manifestation of some sort. I was sititng with the family at about 8 or 9 at night in the apartment and we decided to go down to have a look at what was going on. My family joked that I should hurry and take a picture with the canditate, that way he'll get elected for sure. All u needis a blonde, evidently. Well, we arrived too late. THere was already a blonde on thescene. SHe was dancing in 7 in. heels, wearing a gold glittery two piece almost nothing. SHe pulled a few guys out of the crowd to grind with her and a little later, pulled up one of the candidates. After her short show (show of short shorts) a male singer entered the stage and sang a few salsa songs quite poorly. He wore black pants and a black long sleeve button down shirt with sequins on the chest. AFter him, another woman appeared. She was wearing a green sequin dress straight form the 80's and danced moderately well to a song. My family kept laughing and laughing but I was too busy taking pictures to notice the detail that they had found so funny. Right at the end of the song,I saw it: her dress had a huge gape in the back, totally open. Poor girl, I said. After her song was over, she waltzed over to the edge of teh stage and, with the help of some man, managed to take off her dress, exposing her 'interior clothing'. The gap wasn't a mistake, but a result of the fact that that dress wasn't designed to be on for very long. She rentered the stage wearing two green sequined circles over her part of her breasts, a green sequined triangle down below, and a tail like object in the back. Yea. She danced again. Ohmy god. This was for a political party, remember. NOne of uscould believe it. I took some pictures, but unfortuntately, I can't get them to download onto this computer. I'm sure ur all completely dissappointed. After her, the candidates got up on stage and gave a pledge of somesort....to be honest and moral.....hm. Well, they certianly managed to gain a few dozen votes of the guys in the audience.

Today, I returned to the house of the woman from the airport. It nice and very relaxing. I don't know if she's trying ot set me up with her son, ornot, but it didn't seemlike it today, and therefore I was more relaxed. We drove around looking for plots her daughter could buy and wow...it was so so nice to be in a personal car again. THe sun was out and we were, of course, in a part of town with less traffic, pollution, noise, and people. I just loved breathing air that wasn't completely contaminated. Honestly, I felt like I was in Italy...but that may be because the sun in Italy was fabulous and whenever I feel fabulous in the sun, I think of the UWC. But, it very lovely and I hope that the sun continues to shine. I also hope that the people who actually live in the shanty towns in this part of LIma get to breathe clean air someday too.

how do u like it?

2006-09-17T19:10:00.000-07:00

No yet can I say I'm used to it here. THe language barrier is too strong and honestly, I stick out like a sore thumb. It's insane how much attention I get, even in situations when u'd think I wouldn't (like walking with the boys from their school back to the house...holding their hands) Well, that's just part of life here.

When people ask me if I like it here, I don't know what to say right away. I'm really happy I'm here. This decision was a great one, but the question is, do I like LIma?

There is tons of pollution and no sun. COmbes and traffic everywhere and I can't go anywhere without someone saying something. It's noisy and dangerous. There's tons of poverty: people selling sweets in the streets, kids everwhere begging for money-on the street corners, doing cartwheels in the street, jumping and jumping to wipe the front windsheild off for a few cents. It's very sad. Trash on the street. Rubble from old buildings. Shanty towns. Stray dogs. It's the 3rd world....at least where I live and work. The other thing is, the discrepancy between rich and poor is enormous! I went to visit this woman from the airport (my friends were very concerned for me going alone...everything was fine) She's completely loaded. Lives in a secure neighborhood, has two servants, two cars...etc etc. SHe gave me a lovely necklace. Very generous and nice to me. ...she has a son who's about 30ish years old. My family here keeps joking that the only reason she invited me is because she wants a blonde wife for her son. COuldbe, could be. This woman, though kind, seemed to have no clue about what an average Peruvian life is. We don't have water from 10pm-3am because the community is trying to conserve it. WE don't get fresh milk,but use evaporated. We can't use the phone in teh day unless we have a special card. She grimiced and shook her head whenever I mentioned something. I have that, she'd say. HOw ridiculous that your Peruvian family doesn't! And my Peruvian family has a lot: like this internet connection, for example. The other issue is race. Last night I went straight from a failed birthday party for one of the chicos at Posada Belen to Miraflores: the bar section of town. Riding in the bus through Callao, I saw dark people-black people and darker hispanics who, perhaps, have recently moved from the mountains to LIma. I was definitely the only blonde. Once arriving in Miraflores, the palate changed drastically. Skin lighter and lots more blondes :) There are clubs here that won't allow darker skinned Peruvians in. Bull Shit. These things get to me everyday. This place certainly has its problems.

But, I love my boys. I love working with them even though it's very hard sometimes because they all have problems and the place is idiotically strict. I'm still trying to figure out what the need from me...I think, more than anything, they simply need some love and cushion in their lives. Less rules more compassion. My family is great. THe food is very yummy, but not super healthy. :) Learing Spanish, though tiring, is great and something I really want to do. All the people I've met have been amazingly nice to me. THey give kisses on the cheek. I like that. ALso, having this experience. Stretching myself. Trying new new, different things, that I like too.

So, do I like it here? I have no idea. COuld I live here forever? I have no idea. Am I glad I came? Hell yes. Hell yes. HOnestly, I don't think I have enough time here.

Well that's it.

this week

2006-09-09T12:05:00.000-07:00

Hello all. Almost an entire week has passed. I guess a week isn't that much. Bit by bit I've been getting used to life here, which is helllllla different than anywhere I've ever been before. I take a taxi to see the boys everday and a "combe" back. It gets dark here around 6pm (and is totally overcast the rest of the day) and so when I leave the home at around 630, it feels like 9 or 10. One or two of the boys stands with me on the street as I wait because the area where the home is is kind of dangerous. The first night I took a combe home alone, the combe driver did something very strange. On my way home there's a toll road and a non toll road. COmbes take both depending on whether or not they want to pay the toll or not. This night not only did my combe not go on the toll road, but it turned down a back street, and turned off the lights insidet he bus! I had no idea where we were going or if they weregoing to stop and make us all pay them a bizzillion dollars or what. I realized then that I always have to be aware of where I am and what's going on because not only is this city pretty dangerous, I'm a pretty obvious target.

The majorityof my week has been pretty tranquil (sp). I've gone to see the boys every day and every day I learn a bit more about them and about how to interact with them. The time I spendwith them during the week si for homework. THey have to sit pretty quietly and work for 3 or 4 hours. The men who run the home say the at school they play more than study. Myjob is to makesure that the ones who don't have homework have something to do. I come home everynight and think andthink about activities I can do with them. But, it's great. THe boys are very sweet (at least with me) and I'm very happy I get to spend 4 months with them. I have to figure out how much a firend, sister, mother-figure, and authority figure I need to be. The two menthat run the home are very invested in the boys. ONeis great and affectionate and...normal. The other is really authoritarian and raises his voice a lot and put ridiculous limits on the boys. For example, they were doing an art project and he made it into a sort of competition about who could finish first. He was saying "hurry up" and "that's not nice" and stupid stuff. i had a hard timesitting there watch him be such a bastard to them. That, too, is something I'm going to have to figure out.

Religion: The home is very religious. THey have a chapel there that they use everyday for a service or two. I've sat in on two. They're Catholic. I go to learn aobut them and support the boys but sometimes it's hard for my to stand it. Yesterday in prayer, one ofthe men who leads the home talked baout the sin of abortion and homosexuality....I can't pray to that. I also went to a real mass with the boys yesterday. Apparently yesterday was the birthdya of the virgen Mary, so there was a special mass. I sat there, didn't take communion and I think that confused some of the boys. THe church was gorgeous, though. It's a comunity of Fransican Monks and the monks had painted the church themselves. Very impressive. At the end we all sang Happy Bday (in both english and spansih) to the Virgen Mary and had a cake in her honor :)

THis week I went out with a friend form the UWC commitee. We went to 'miraflores' which is the area thathas a lot of bars and restaurants. we walkeddown tothe sea. very nice. TOnight I'm going to a concert. Itshould be fun;a chance to make some more friends. tomorrow i'm going to the home of one of the women i met in the airport. cool,eh?

well, that's it.

paz....señorita, como se dice paz en inglés? señorita, como se dice loco en inglés? how are you...es cómo estás no? :)

titulo

2006-09-03T19:00:00.000-07:00

Let's see...what day is it? Sunday. 5 days. Lots and lots has happened. I really don't feel like I've been here just 5 days. It's always like that in the beginning, though.

I've been out to markets and houses and bars, which means I'm getting used to the combes (combies), which are the vans that pass for public transportation and actually move the majority of the population around the city. They're so small.....I hardly fit. :) Honestly, in the market I was about a head taller than everyone. This city is soooo busy. Very stressful. No breaks. There are people everywehre, cars everywhere, noise and pollution everywhere. It's kind of overwhelming, but I'm learning the ropes and having a really good time.

Last night we went out with the UWC commitee of Peru. Fiorella is part of it and I think she organized the night 'cause she's leaving tomorrow. The people are really wonderful. We stayed out until 5 (no the bars and clubs do not close) and I got to dance salsa in a latin american country. :) THis morning we roused ourselves out of bed to go to a meeting. Apparetnly they haven't had a UWC meeting for a long time (you realize this committe is responsible for all the happenings with UWC in the country: selection, advertising, scholarships, etc) THey had tons to talk about and it took a really long time. I understood a lot of what they were rapid firing out, but not everything. My Spanish is coming along. I can feel the difference from the first day. I understand a lot. Speaking is different.

Here's the big news: I met the boys. I went to Posada Belen today!!!!!! Oh, they're so
sweet. Very affectionate. THere is no other woman in the house, and since they don't really have parents, at least no contact, I think I'll be filling that hole for the next few months. So, I'll be working with them everyday from 3-6 (monday-friday) on school/thinking/educational type activies - which I have to figure out.....I don't have to go on the weekends but I may sometimes. They're so sweet and they seemed really happy to meet me. They had read the letter I sent them and had memorized my name and little bits about me. This is going to be pretty amazing.

Baci

Here at last!

2006-08-31T11:07:00.000-07:00

Well I've made it. Yay!!! It's great. My flight...oh what a trip. I was scheduled through Miami but Ernesto...grr...made it so I had to reroute. I spent the night in LA and and and it was a pain. Luckily all the flights were okay, just the ground travel. In the line at the LA airport, I met a girl who goes to McGill. She seemed nice enough and we exchanged emails. Then, on the plane to Lima, rather waiting in the Mexico City airport, I met two women who live in Lima. They were very sweet and we exchanged phone numbers. They said they'd check in on me and that I should go visit each of them. Good start.

There isn't much to tell yet....I haven't really left the apartment (only been up for a couple hours) except that I'm very happy with my family, they're extremely nice, and there's a school right next door so all day the apartment is filled with the sounds of children playing :). The apartment is very cozy: one common room, three bedrooms, a kitchen/laundry, and a bathroom and with 6 people (currently 7) it's kind of a tight fit. I haven't yet figured out how I'm going to store all my clothes and things, but we'll figure that out soon, I'm sure. The Spanish is going okay. I'm pretty happy. Oh, one blog-worthy story did happen: the taxi driver who drove us from the airport decided that he didn't want to take the exit he was set up to take (the first one after the airport) so he just drove backward for a few blocks down the highway...crazy. The women in the car (the mama, Fiorella-a sister, organizer, studies at Macalester-, and Nella-organizer) were laughing/ridiculing him but he really didn't seem to care. Well it was a welcome that I won't forget.

chapter Whitman comes to a close

2006-08-26T13:08:00.000-07:00

Back in NE after two grueling days on the road, driving back from our west coast extravaganza: Portland, Seattle, Walla Walla. The trip was pretty much fun, even though 4 of the 10 days were spent 100% in the car, speeding down the interstate.

All three parts of the trip were fabulous. The wedding, my goodness, that's what a wedding should be. Seeing Adam and Laura is always wonderful. It was very different being there with my parents to visit them. And then, Walla Walla.

As our minivan crossed the NE state line on I-80, I realized that the Whitman chapter of my life had officially come to a close. I sighed, I'm sure. Being at Whitman was a tumultous ride of emotion and life lessons that I truely appreciate having done. Even though I'm leaving, I surely do not regret 1 iota going there. Not 1. I learned so much about acceptance and arrogance. The slap in the face it served me when I got there really sobered me up. :) Honestly, I was afraid that going back to pick up my stuff would be really difficult. But it wasn't. It started with picking Karlis up from the airport again. How strange. Driving with him in the car from Seattle to Walla Walla felt like things hadn't changed, like I wasn't actually leaving. But when we got there it finally set in. We got my stuff, ate at El Sombrero, and then I spent the entire night saying goodbye to a few people. I'm so happy I got to know those fanastic humans. The next day, after coffee with my amazing core teacher, I walked around campus. The feeling was really reassuring. While strolling along, I felt happy, comfortable, and like I was in a place that had once been mine. I didn't feel like it was mine, however; and I knew I was making the right choice.

So, thank you Whitman for all you've taught me and thank you for letting me go.

sunburn city

2006-08-16T11:10:00.000-07:00

I think the sunburn I got at the lake may have finally healed. wow. wonder how it got so bad...

excited

2006-08-09T15:07:00.000-07:00

I'm excited I'm excited I'm excited!!!

Info: Posada de Belen, is the home of 12 abused children from 8 to 13 years old, located in one of the poorest urban areas of the Port of Callao, this house is runned based in volunteering work.

Sweet!

news!

2006-08-05T15:45:00.000-07:00

Hey hey! I have news!

1)After asking for advice advice advice, I decided that I would take the year off if McGill didn't grant me an exception for a semester. I contact Peru and told them I was coming. I figured I'd go and figure out when I'd come back once I was there. Today, however, I found out that they would give me a one semester deferal!! I bought my ticket! I'm leaving the 29th of August and coming back the 17th of December. Phew!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2)Last weekend I drove to Grinnell, Iowa to visit Maria (a flatmate from Italy from Uganda who's currently studying at Grinnell.) We had a blast! It was wonderful to see her and I was glad I could help her get a fan by driving her to the SuperWalmart because it was sooooo damn hot!

3)Two days ago I left for Lake Mcconaughey, which is a pretty big lake in western Nebraska. I wen there to meet Danny (from Wales) and Terence (my first year from the States) who were in CO. Apart from getting realllllllly sunburnt, this too was a fantastic day with UWCers. How wonderful!!!

footprints in the sand

2006-08-05T10:24:00.000-07:00

I'm so lucky. Since leaving Italy, I've been able to see quite a few UWCers, which is something not everyone can claim. There's Karlis, of course; Pancho and Chen, who came for Christmas; Rickie, Bronson, Chenxin, and Pancho and Chen again over Spring Break; Maria last weekend when I visited her at Grinnell; and now Terence and Danny this past weekend! Wow. I'm also lucky enough to have talked to a couple of alumni from more years ago than myself, who have provided me with more perspective than I could otherwise possibly have.

And all of these things, these people, these talks, these encounters, remind me of the magnificence of my UWC experience. Want to talk about lucky.... They do more than conjure up memories, though. While the UWC itself is a fabulous experience, it's only 2 years. That's nothing. When the two years are over, however, the experience is far from dead, it just changes. After graduation is when the real testing and implementation of its ideals happens. It's been so empowering to read the alumni digest because alumni from all the schools and all the years are invited to post job openings, project ideas, and housing opportunities. :) It's important to make the next step after the two years end. This past year has given me the opportunity to make that next step and with this recent trip to visit Terence and Danny at the beach, I can feel my foot slowing planting itself into its next stride firmly. Onward.

what to do?

2006-07-27T21:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I honestly have little news. Peru is still on track, if I decide to go and so is McGill. I've tried to get a deferral for a semester from McGill, but they don't generally offer those so I'm trying to get them to recognize how special I am and make an exception...goodluck, right? Well, send lots of 'cosmic energy' my way on that one, please.

If McGill doesn't give me the semester off, I have to make a decision: go to McGill straight away or take an entire year off. I don't exactly konw what to do. On one hand there's this amazing opportunity and S. America and learning Spanish and when the hell else am I going to do this?? On the other hand, there's McGill, which I'm acutally excited about right now, and getting my degree. I've changed so much...or things have changed...so much in the past year, I'm afraid if I take a year off I won't want to go back to college.

What to do, what to do??

jealousy

2006-07-23T15:00:00.000-07:00

You know, facebook really brings about a lot of annoyance. It's not its fault, really. It's mine. The photo albums on there allow people to display their pictures for friends to see and for me to sometimes feel that disgusting twinge of jealousy.

Jealousy is really a disgusting feeling. For example, when I look at my primi's albums from UWC, I wonder if they had a better experience than I did, had more fun, took more advantage of opportunities. They may have. Obviously this "jealousy" is rooted in pre-existent questioning of my own experience...which was great but everything can always have been better.

The only way for my to prevent feelings like this is to....
...remind myself of my unique experience when I'm staring at someone else's. aka keep things in perspective

...remember that a person cannot do everything or be everwhere at once, which means you have to (I've had to) choose between experiences

...also remember that photos paint a glossy picture

...seize the moment I'm living in so that this experience does not become another opportunity for me to feel like I've missed out on something.

news flash

2006-07-23T14:58:00.000-07:00

Again, big news. I have a project in Peru! I'm really excited about it, but I'm trying to tame my excitement until I hear from McGill that I can take the semester off. When I hear, then you'll know.

McGill

2006-07-19T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hey! It's been forever. I didn't know what to say. I do that sometimes. During some periods of my life I am simply not capable to synthesis and therefore I leave everyone in the dark about what's going on with me. Well, I've finally found something I can share (as if the chicken poop and spider webs from my grandparents' haymow that I cleaned out wasn't enough).

I am going to McGill. Right, I know what you're thinking: "Heard that before." Well, guess what? This time it's too late to pull out. Haha. Really, it's a good choice. I just can't go back to Whitman. It's just really the wrong fit for me. Too small. TOo isolated. No Internatioal Relations. Can't do it.

Today I spent all day figuring stuff out for McGill. Visas, money, housing, etc. The big question is: can I get 1 semester off to go to S. America?? Waiting for a response. What will I do if they say no? request a year? Just go? Well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. It's been a stressfull day but good. It feels good to have made a decision...I even changed my facebook profile. Unfortunately, that makes it feel really official. I'm exciting and relieved but at the same time somewhat meloncholy. It's a bittersweet parting. There are some people I will really truely miss.

bits and pieces

2006-07-03T08:01:00.000-07:00

I've spent the weekend staring at my cell phone and checking my email....still nothing. hmrg.

I've also spent my weekend helping my grandparents to move. They're downsizing substantially and my goodness do they have a lot of stuff! :) It's been nice to spend time with them and my parents.

Also, lately I've been reunited with some "friends" from middle school. I say "friends" because I don't think we were really friends in middle school. I never ever felt like I fit in. God it's strange to see them again. Apparently, they hang out a lot. I don't think they've been hanging out since middle schoo, but at some point they all reuinited and here they are. They're actually really cool! So strange, though. (the situation, not the people so much) We have about 5 or 6 years to catch up on. "So, what have you been up to?" mmrm....God, they don't know. It's as if all I've done was just a dream and I'm back at the same place I started from. Except not. I feel different and talk differently. I'm different and so are they even though we're again reunited in Lincoln, NE. I guess 5 years really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things anyway.

I'm thinking that if I don't get this job with Fieldworks, I'll move to Colorado and live with my uncle and his girlfriend. I'll find some waitressing job out there. Some place new. We'll see.

If the people from Peru don't write me soon, I may try to go to Mexico. Plans just keep shifting. Hopefully Peru will work out!

Oh, and today I'm goig to call American University to see if I can apply for the spring semester.

Place

2006-06-30T18:47:00.000-07:00

I must leave Lincoln. I must go somewhere where I feel excited and stimulated. I must find a place where I'm happy.

Or, must I make the place I'm at that place I'm searching for?

Waiting

2006-06-28T14:16:00.000-07:00

waiting. I'm waiting. SO annoying. I know I should be doing more with this float time, but I just want to know where I'll be going! I sound like a broken record.... I'm waiting to hear if I'll be swept away in the next fews weeks to work on an exciting campaign or if I'll need to find another part time whatever job for the rest of the summer. I also want to know about Peru. The woman who's organizing my trip visited with the clinic this weekend. And??? It's been half a week now since her visit. No tenia tiempo para contactarme????? Well a few more days. In the mean time, I've just gotta make sure I get up before 1pm everyday; it's harder than you might think.

two weeks, wha??

2006-06-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've jumped through a time portal. Last I knew it was June 9th, I was home without a substantial summer job and out petitioning daily in the hot Nebraska sun to a wide array of responsive and not-quite-so responsive (or polite) Nebraska citizens. It's now June 23rd (Happy Birthday Julie!) How in the hell did I lose almost two weeks??? I'll tell you. I have to tell you everything now because I have had no time to until this point. The fact that I do have time now may point to the fact that something has again changed. My petitioning job turned into something more a week an a half ago: I was moved into the office and became the "Deputy Director of the Lincoln Office" Title. a real title. haha. That meant that for a salary (not hourly wage) I managed, hired, fired, and trained staff as well as selling my life to the campaign. Starting at 8:30 every morning, and working until 11pm every night, I absorbed as much about management as I could. It lasted 7 days. No, I haven't been fired. The campaign is over. The tribes who were sponsoring the initiative decided they didn't want to continue at this time, so three hours after we got the news in the office, the posters were down and the computer packed up. Wow. Fast turn around. These past two weeks have just been a flash of energy and opportunity. Luckily for me, that flash may have lasting effects: the company I who was running the campaign may move me to another location in the country to run another campaign. Oh wow! This is an amazing opportunity! I can hardly believe it. I feel very blessed. This is an actual job in grassroots politics that pays! I'm working with college grads with tons more experience for me (a great opportunity to find some fantastic mentors and role models) who are helpful, kind, and who want me to continue working with them! I don't know if it'll happen for sure, but both of my bosses from this campaign want to see me continue this summer on another campaign.

The whole experience has been very serendipitous and humbling. Since going to Italy I think of Lincoln not as the place where I have exciting, life changing experiences that further my goals and interests per say; I think of it more as a comfortable place where I come to decompress after having experiences that are those things and do relate to what I want to do and where I want to go with my life. I was selling it short. Look at this opportunity. You know, one of the partners of the company came to Lincoln for a few days to help on the campaign. She was sending emails and carbon copying them to Hillary Clinton. She was the senior VP of the Postal Service during 9/11 and the Anthrax scare! I drove here around Lincoln and while she spoke about other exciting political moments in her life, I stared at the streets of my home, the trees I've walked by for the majority of my cognizant life. It was a very surreal and humbling experience. Opportunity abounds many places. I was lucky in finding this.

So, I don't know what will happen but I've had a great time these past couple of weeks and have learned loads about the political world and being a manager. I'll keep you posted on what happens next!

Lightening

2006-06-13T21:11:00.000-07:00

i've been petitioning like crazy. "Hi, do you have a second to look at a petition?" I say. "No," they respond, "I'm on break." What does that mean? Would they rather I ask when they're at their desk? Apathy. America. Comfort.

Apparently I've impressed my boss, though. She's invited me to apply to help her and the other guy manage the office. Wow! Opportunity knocks. I'd make good money, but I'd have to sell my soul to the campaign. I guess I could do that. I'll decide tomorrow.

In the mean time, let me let you in on another decision's verdict: I'm staying at WHitman...I'm pretty sure. Georgetown and the fucking system can kiss my ass. Wow. Sorry Grandma. I'm a little bitter. They didn't give me NEARLY enough money. They claim they meet need. Well that "need" would put the average family below the poverty line. Only the rich and the poor get to go to the best schools. If they didn't claim to that everyone who is qualified can go, maybe I wouldn't be so bitter...but I've been told that all I have to do is get in, and then I'll be able to go. Well, I have gotten in. I've also worked hard to earn money, but THERE'S NO WAY! Whatever America, perpetuate your caste system. See if it'll really accomplish what you want it to.

Ahem, so, WHitman seems again to be my option. Luckily, it doesn't sound all that bad to me at the moment. :) So, we'll see....maybe this was supposed to happen......no lightening. Damn.

intellectual arrogance

2006-06-10T11:35:00.000-07:00

Arrogance is a character trait up with which I will not put. (and then who says prepositions can't go at the end?? hmmmm??) Really of all sorts. It's annoying and often a roadblock to getting things done. I've seen pride ruin relationships, opportunities, and conversations. People often think of arrogance in general terms and arrogance in terms of intellect is often left uninvestigated. I was reading a *ahem* facebook comment of a photo...golly...and was struck by the language one guy used. At first, it impressed me. He was eloquent and employed complex sentence structure...then I asked myself why I don't write like that and realized that I don't try to. I never have. In fact, until I went to Italy and took a class from a English teacher so enthralled by English that she inspired me, I thought elegant language unnecessary, something that clouds the meaning of statement with unnecessary bulk. I have changed my mind slightly and enjoy the nuances of language now. But, I still maintain that bombastic language used only for effect and not to enhance the meaning or readability of a text should not be used. By no means do I think that facebook message writer was out of line with his message, but it did bring to light the intellectual arrogance of a lot of smart people.

I find that a lot of smart people are open to new ideas and people from a variety of backgrounds...at least the ones I hang around. But, I've heard so many intellectuals come down on "normal folk," people who don't spend their days reading the newspaper, or even a book. Now, I agree that apathy and inaction caused by things other than newspapers or books is a huge problem, especially in the USA, and could be alleviated a bit if people unplugged themselves from the "boob tube", but to maintain that one lifestyle is inherently better than another lifestyle seems a little...hmm, arrogant. Still, comparing lifestyle choices is better than comparing given traits, such as intelligence. People often complain about the obsession with the physical. How dare we tell someone who's born a certain way they're not good enough? How dare we tell them they aren't pretty! They were born that way........so.........if we don't like judging each other based on physical traits we can't control, why would we condone judging people on mental traits we can't control? Some people are born with a higher IQ and they didn't do anything to deserve it...some weren't. I understand that intelligence affects social interaction, but intellectual arrogance is more than not wanting to interact with someone, it's thinking you're better. Comments like, "There were only two smart people in the class/group/school/board/etc.," not not demean those excluded by the statement, but also give them no chance to prove themselves. As my middle school stressed to me, there are many forms of intelligence and I'll bet those "non-smart people" would kick most intellectuals' asses if compared in other ways.

So basically what I'm saying is that intellectual arrogance pisses me off. Break it down people, you're just a human. If you can say you're human above a race, a sex, a religion, a nationality, or any other affiliation, then you should be able to say you're a human before a smart person, hell there's not even a noun for that one.

wow

2006-06-10T07:23:00.000-07:00

Who else thinks this is cool?

I am pregnant with twins and need to know if my babies can be one day older than the other? Can I have one baby by one dad and the other by another dad?
Not only is it possible for fraternal twins to have different fathers, it’s on the medical record books. This official medical term for this phenomenon is heteropaternal superfecundation

Sperm cells can live inside a woman’s body for four to five days. Once ovulation occurs, the egg remains viable for another 12 to 48 hours before it begins to disintegrate; thus, the fertile period can span five to seven days.

walking

2006-06-08T06:15:00.000-07:00

I've recently heard of someone wanting to walk to Italy from Germany. What an idea. Pick yourself up and rely on your feet to carry you where you want to go. Enlightened. Exciting.

The only place I've been walking to lately is downtown to my job. That's right, I've got a job. I'm petitioning to get an initiative on the ballot that would allow the Indians-just so you all know, "Indian" is politically correct again- in Nebraska to build a few casinos. Most of the revenue would go for their economic development and the rest would go to an educational trust fund for the rest of the state. Seems like a great idea to me. I get a lot of "no's" though. People are against gambling or their just fucking racist. I've had a few people tell me "screw them" or "I don't think they need it." Open your eyes people! It makes me so angry that people are so self consumed and blind to reality. "I don't think they need it. Here kids, get in your booster seats because our car is too big for people sit in properly until they are satisfactorily obese. Oh my I think there's a fingernail scratch on here. Where's my lawyer?!?" Gr.

In other news, I'm pretty happy. I've been working a lot the past couple of days, which keeps my mind from day dreaming about walking to Italy and on the target (green papers with men's faces on them). I'm loving seeing my family and hoping that I will find a happy niche for the summer. If I don't, it's only two months. :)

decision

2006-06-06T15:47:00.000-07:00

I know three a day is too much, but this has been quite a day.

I AM NOT GOING BACK TO WALLA WALLA.

My boss didn't fire me, but she couldn't give me enough hours. k. not enough $$=wasted summer. Even if it would have been a nice change (living on my own, college kids, new town, etc) it wouldn't have served the purpose of staying in the U.S. for the summer: working and money.

En tonces, I'm staying here....holy guacamole!!! I can hardly believe it. I'm going to get some jobs tomorrow. Going to go tell them they need me and they're going to believe it. Lordy lordy lordy.

photos

2006-06-06T10:13:00.000-07:00

There's a thing in the world called facebook. It might serve to be the demise of all college students. I have been sucked into its clutches. Facebook allows college students to spend hours, hours they could be spending on homework or real human contact, to message each other, declare their relationship status, and create photo albums. I have a few of these, which I thought I'd share with you all. Click the link and you'll only see the album, not the demented workings of Facebook.

Please don't judge :)

UWC album: http://whitman.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2004539&l=17f91&id=48101631
Whitman1: http://whitman.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2002427&l=18c48&id=48101631
Whitman 2: http://whitman.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2002617&l=7155b&id=48101631
Winter break: http://whitman.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2002221&l=f4ca3&id=48101631
Spring break: http://whitman.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2003423&l=81084&id=48101631

the beginning

2006-06-06T09:27:00.000-07:00

I can't say that this is going to be the most interesting blog for awhile. It will be what it will, as all things, I'm finding out.

Since Christmas, I've been struggling to figure out who I am, what I want to do, and how the hell to make that happen. It seems I have not managed to figure any of those things out. Shit. :) I may have lost my summer job in Walla Walla, which means I'm not going back like I was planning. Truthfully, I'm okay with that. My family is here and I don't think it's such a bad thing to spend as much time as possible with them while I still can. I can find a job. The market here isn't so bad as it is in Wally World. But, that was the one thing I thought I'd figured out....the summer will be what it will be, not what I want it or try to make it be.

The UWC and my relationship to it has been and will be for awhile something that haunts me, but in a good way. I went out for ice cream with Shaunna Meyer yesterday. She was the woman who taught "World Ex", which is the best class I've taken by far, and she's a graduate of a UWC. She makes me feel normal and helps me not to questions the pain I feel and the way I have been "protecting" myself from the world and people emotionally since graduating. You know, when I went to Montreal and stayed with my 18th year (he graudated from Italy a long time ago) we started talking about the school and he just started crying. Good for him. Good for me to see.