whims

There's much to report

I’ve just come from a meeting with my supervisor. It the meeting to solidify the turning point in my time here. Where to begin? I suppose I’ll start where I left off in the last entry.

Upon arrival, I was trying to be very positive about everything. Okay, so we’re in the Ciudad del Saber; it’ll work out. Okay, so it’s cloudy and rainy; it’ll work out. Okay, so I have to do everything in this internship; I’ll do it; it’ll work out. But, things seemed to just keep on getting worse and worse. In the end, I think the living situation was really to blame.

My roommates freaked and told me I had to get rid of the dog, and a few days later the Arts Internship Office called and told me I had to get rid of her. She went to live with the Security Guards down the road. They like having her around, which is better for her because my roommates weren’t super friendly to her. She’s still there and I’ve been visiting her everyday. I’ve been trying to decide what I’m going to do with her once I go. I still don’t know, but I’m leaning towards not taking her with me.

The dog certainly added to the tensions of the house, but tensions were inevitable. Living in one house, sharing rooms – okay doesn’t sound so bad – here’s the kicker: we were isolated in that stupid Ciudad del Saber, without a car. I can understand wanting to live there if you have a car: it’s calm, safe, and clean. Those are the same reasons McGill thought that we should be there; plus, they own villas there. I’m sure they thought, “Well of course, McGill students go and live in those villas every year. It makes perfect sense that these five students live there too.” The difference with us is, we’re just five. That means we don’t get to pick and chose who we hang out with. That means we’re all in one house and can’t go between houses for space. That means we’re few enough that we want to include everyone in everything, but too many for that to be easy. I certainly wouldn’t have minded sharing the house with the other four if we had been in some other area. But, being in the Ciudad del Saber, all we can do is hang out in the house or go for a walk. There is a pizzeria that’s open for dinner, so sometimes we go there for pizza, but again, it’s always with ourselves. There is a pool, which is nice, but they’ve been cleaning it for a few weeks now. If we want to go to the city, we have to take a taxi = money = expensive. So, to be safe and save money, we go together. AHIII! It’s like the Real World meets Survivor! We don’t speak Spanish there. We don’t meet Panamanians. We don’t learn about Panamanian culture. This is NOT why we came here!! Understandably emotions are running high. It’s better now that they got another villa and two girls moved in there…and that the pup is gone too.

Then there’s our internships. Mine is quite unique. I’m feeling better about it now, but I’ve really had to push to make it happen. That’s certainly part of the experience and my supervisor admitted to me today that he’s had me do some things that aren’t “necessary” to teach/show me more about typical Panamanian life. I’ve had to ask for work. I’ve had to design my project. I’ve had to push to get him to give me transport. It’s all working out now, and I’m starting to see his logical, I just wish I would have had a bit of advance warning about what to expect. Oh well, that’s what you get for being the guinea pig. I’m still waiting for ethical approval from McGill to really start the interviews, but I’ve spoken with various people from the Ministry of Health and have interviewed those in charge of the vector (mosquito) programs in one of my communities. I’ve also gone out with a few other groups to observe their research. In the end, I’m going to have quite a good understanding of how research works here and all of the obstacles there are for researchers in Panama.

And then, there’s the city. It’s quite the place. Huge income inequality. Huge foreign investment. Huge drug money. Huge wealth. Huge poverty. It’s small, so in three blocks you walk from places resembling Miami to slums that are “x”ed out on the map McGill gave us upon arrival. (I went yesterday, however, with the family of the woman who cleans my friend’s house. We ate the best fish I’ve had since I’ve been here and honestly had a ball. I felt like I did when I was in Peru…immersed in the culture of the place.) For us, as we want to be safe and we don’t know many Panamanians, we go to the richy places, which are expensive and not so different from that which you would find in Montreal or Lincoln, for that matter. I still have not freaking danced salsa. Amazing. Also, the transportation system is really crappy. They use old US school buses. They’re all in bad shape and the ride is quite horrible. Since they’re so big, they don’t come around as often as the “combis” in Peru (van type things) and leave for la Ciudad del Saber every hour. I take one home everyday, but to get around the city…well, if we lived there it would be a different thing. Plus, there’s a girl here who just doesn’t want to take them…so when we’re out with her…anyway, the transport system makes the city less accessible, as well. I had a horrible experience with those buses the first time around, and this one isn’t much better!

Okay…so, all of that combined to make me one not-very-happy camper the last few days. Sleeping too much. Eating too much. Great, right? So, I started thinking. The first thought that came to me was to go to Peru. I dream about it and reallllly miss those boys. I would love to go see them. I thought it would be my incentive to stick it out here. But, thinking about the finances of it all, I realized it just wasn’t realistic. Damn. Oh well. Actually, I realized I didn’t have enough money to even stay here, and what a pity to pay so much for something you’re not even really going to enjoy. What’s more, on a tight budget, I’d have an even worse time because I wouldn’t be able to travel or go out…again, not why I came here, not willing to pay for that. So, here’s what I’m going to do: leave early and go home to work with my dad. I will still finish my research and have a paper to submit to McGill, Gorgas, and grad schools. I will still be able to keep my scholarship and get credit for the internship. I will be able to travel and have set up a great itinerary with my Spanish friend, Claudia. I will go home and be able to go to my cousin’s wedding!!!!!!! I will be able to see my folks. I will keep my end of the deal and fund this whole crazy trip by myself. I will have a better time here and a better time there. I’ve spoken with my supervisor and he’s more than okay with it. Now, I just have to make sure those at McGill are fine and I’m set. It’s a huge relief and a responsible/wise plan/compromise. *big sigh*

Peace.

Note about Panama: the language is over affectionate. The woman in my office, where everyone talks to each other with “usted”= formal “you”, just said “cuidese amor”…that’s take care of yourself (formal), love. Amazing.

posted by Marielly @ 8:01 AM