whims

Future

I've been thinking a lot about the future since I got to Nebraska. It makes sense as my present is less than ummm welll..less exciting than I've grown accustomed to.

My first thought was that I would run away to Peru, finish my studies there and then spend ten months or so being an activist and doing service work. Then I realized that the semester doesn't start until March. I didn't know how I would get my foot in the door without studying there first and I also thought I wouldn't get to spend time both in Lima and the country. Plus, it would cost money, not make money. (money is a big theme here)

I then realized that as soon as I graduate (which I'm still not sure when that will actually be) I would be able to get a working visa for Canada. Oh Canada, where my life has most recently flourished...sounded awesome: learn French, enjoy the summer, bike bike, my FRIENDS! I was STOKED. I started thinking about how I could take my puppies up there (not so puppy anymore, that's part of the problem. old dogs have trouble with stairs and wooden floors, Montreal staples). I was making plans and my heart was at peace because it knew that it would get to spend more time with good friends.

Then, I started getting lots and lots of signals not to apply to the UK for med school. I'm still not 100% sure that I won't, but every indicator seems to point to the fact that it's just not as wise as studying in the US. Damn, I would have loved going to Europe. I re-initiated my search for which US schools to apply for. UW (Washington) in Seattle is the best school in the nation for primary care. Go figure. I was all excited about the prospect of applying there until I realized that my chance of getting in there is next to 0 because I am not a resident of the correct state. Tear. Then, I realized I have time to establish residency there. OMG! So, in March, when I finish my premed course, I get to move out to the same city as my Bro, Sis-in-Law, and darling niece! I'll just happen to become a resident in the process. Wow. Good idea.

I've had to inform the pieces of my Montreal heart that I'd changed my mind and that was hard. And I'm sad. I am sad. Instead of moving back to Europe, as I had hoped, I'm moving as far away from as I can in N. America. Instead of moving back to Montreal, I'm doing the same thing. I am also freaked out about staying in the USA for so long. My recent history wouldn't indicate that I would but in this case, I just should. ...I will still apply to some Canadian med schools... but, if I get into UW, that's a long haul in the US. I could ramble on and on about how this could lead to that and that to the other and how I'll never get back to Europe or whatever, but the point is that I need to just STOP!

realize it can lead wherever.

that this decision opens more doors than it shuts.

new things will develop and old will not go away.

i worry my friends in europe won't care after 5 more years.
but it's already been 5 and they still care. and i still care.

so with a giant breath in and out, in and out, i accept this choice and smile at all the great opportunities it will bring.

posted by Marielly @ 9:47 AM