what to do?
Well, I honestly have little news. Peru is still on track, if I decide to go and so is McGill. I've tried to get a deferral for a semester from McGill, but they don't generally offer those so I'm trying to get them to recognize how special I am and make an exception...goodluck, right? Well, send lots of 'cosmic energy' my way on that one, please.
If McGill doesn't give me the semester off, I have to make a decision: go to McGill straight away or take an entire year off. I don't exactly konw what to do. On one hand there's this amazing opportunity and S. America and learning Spanish and when the hell else am I going to do this?? On the other hand, there's McGill, which I'm acutally excited about right now, and getting my degree. I've changed so much...or things have changed...so much in the past year, I'm afraid if I take a year off I won't want to go back to college.
What to do, what to do??
jealousy
You know, facebook really brings about a lot of annoyance. It's not its fault, really. It's mine. The photo albums on there allow people to display their pictures for friends to see and for me to sometimes feel that disgusting twinge of jealousy.
Jealousy is really a disgusting feeling. For example, when I look at my primi's albums from UWC, I wonder if they had a better experience than I did, had more fun, took more advantage of opportunities. They may have. Obviously this "jealousy" is rooted in pre-existent questioning of my own experience...which was great but everything can always have been better.
The only way for my to prevent feelings like this is to....
...remind myself of my unique experience when I'm staring at someone else's. aka keep things in perspective
...remember that a person cannot do everything or be everwhere at once, which means you have to (I've had to) choose between experiences
...also remember that photos paint a glossy picture
...seize the moment I'm living in so that this experience does not become another opportunity for me to feel like I've missed out on something.
news flash
Again, big news. I have a project in Peru! I'm really excited about it, but I'm trying to tame my excitement until I hear from McGill that I can take the semester off. When I hear, then you'll know.
McGill
Hey! It's been forever. I didn't know what to say. I do that sometimes. During some periods of my life I am simply not capable to synthesis and therefore I leave everyone in the dark about what's going on with me. Well, I've finally found something I can share (as if the chicken poop and spider webs from my grandparents' haymow that I cleaned out wasn't enough). I am going to McGill. Right, I know what you're thinking: "Heard that before." Well, guess what? This time it's too late to pull out. Haha. Really, it's a good choice. I just can't go back to Whitman. It's just really the wrong fit for me. Too small. TOo isolated. No Internatioal Relations. Can't do it. Today I spent all day figuring stuff out for McGill. Visas, money, housing, etc. The big question is: can I get 1 semester off to go to S. America?? Waiting for a response. What will I do if they say no? request a year? Just go? Well, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. It's been a stressfull day but good. It feels good to have made a decision...I even changed my facebook profile. Unfortunately, that makes it feel really official. I'm exciting and relieved but at the same time somewhat meloncholy. It's a bittersweet parting. There are some people I will really truely miss.
bits and pieces
I've spent the weekend staring at my cell phone and checking my email....still nothing. hmrg.
I've also spent my weekend helping my grandparents to move. They're downsizing substantially and my goodness do they have a lot of stuff! :) It's been nice to spend time with them and my parents.
Also, lately I've been reunited with some "friends" from middle school. I say "friends" because I don't think we were really friends in middle school. I never ever felt like I fit in. God it's strange to see them again. Apparently, they hang out a lot. I don't think they've been hanging out since middle schoo, but at some point they all reuinited and here they are. They're actually really cool! So strange, though. (the situation, not the people so much) We have about 5 or 6 years to catch up on. "So, what have you been up to?" mmrm....God, they don't know. It's as if all I've done was just a dream and I'm back at the same place I started from. Except not. I feel different and talk differently. I'm different and so are they even though we're again reunited in Lincoln, NE. I guess 5 years really isn't that long in the grand scheme of things anyway.
I'm thinking that if I don't get this job with Fieldworks, I'll move to Colorado and live with my uncle and his girlfriend. I'll find some waitressing job out there. Some place new. We'll see.
If the people from Peru don't write me soon, I may try to go to Mexico. Plans just keep shifting. Hopefully Peru will work out!
Oh, and today I'm goig to call American University to see if I can apply for the spring semester.
