whims

Big bang boom

Today things just fell into place:
-Changed my ticket
-Got ethics approval
-Will get approval from Kuna Nega leaders to go

Solidify, solidify, solidify!

posted by Marielly @ 2:04 PM 3 comments

There's much to report

I’ve just come from a meeting with my supervisor. It the meeting to solidify the turning point in my time here. Where to begin? I suppose I’ll start where I left off in the last entry.

Upon arrival, I was trying to be very positive about everything. Okay, so we’re in the Ciudad del Saber; it’ll work out. Okay, so it’s cloudy and rainy; it’ll work out. Okay, so I have to do everything in this internship; I’ll do it; it’ll work out. But, things seemed to just keep on getting worse and worse. In the end, I think the living situation was really to blame.

My roommates freaked and told me I had to get rid of the dog, and a few days later the Arts Internship Office called and told me I had to get rid of her. She went to live with the Security Guards down the road. They like having her around, which is better for her because my roommates weren’t super friendly to her. She’s still there and I’ve been visiting her everyday. I’ve been trying to decide what I’m going to do with her once I go. I still don’t know, but I’m leaning towards not taking her with me.

The dog certainly added to the tensions of the house, but tensions were inevitable. Living in one house, sharing rooms – okay doesn’t sound so bad – here’s the kicker: we were isolated in that stupid Ciudad del Saber, without a car. I can understand wanting to live there if you have a car: it’s calm, safe, and clean. Those are the same reasons McGill thought that we should be there; plus, they own villas there. I’m sure they thought, “Well of course, McGill students go and live in those villas every year. It makes perfect sense that these five students live there too.” The difference with us is, we’re just five. That means we don’t get to pick and chose who we hang out with. That means we’re all in one house and can’t go between houses for space. That means we’re few enough that we want to include everyone in everything, but too many for that to be easy. I certainly wouldn’t have minded sharing the house with the other four if we had been in some other area. But, being in the Ciudad del Saber, all we can do is hang out in the house or go for a walk. There is a pizzeria that’s open for dinner, so sometimes we go there for pizza, but again, it’s always with ourselves. There is a pool, which is nice, but they’ve been cleaning it for a few weeks now. If we want to go to the city, we have to take a taxi = money = expensive. So, to be safe and save money, we go together. AHIII! It’s like the Real World meets Survivor! We don’t speak Spanish there. We don’t meet Panamanians. We don’t learn about Panamanian culture. This is NOT why we came here!! Understandably emotions are running high. It’s better now that they got another villa and two girls moved in there…and that the pup is gone too.

Then there’s our internships. Mine is quite unique. I’m feeling better about it now, but I’ve really had to push to make it happen. That’s certainly part of the experience and my supervisor admitted to me today that he’s had me do some things that aren’t “necessary” to teach/show me more about typical Panamanian life. I’ve had to ask for work. I’ve had to design my project. I’ve had to push to get him to give me transport. It’s all working out now, and I’m starting to see his logical, I just wish I would have had a bit of advance warning about what to expect. Oh well, that’s what you get for being the guinea pig. I’m still waiting for ethical approval from McGill to really start the interviews, but I’ve spoken with various people from the Ministry of Health and have interviewed those in charge of the vector (mosquito) programs in one of my communities. I’ve also gone out with a few other groups to observe their research. In the end, I’m going to have quite a good understanding of how research works here and all of the obstacles there are for researchers in Panama.

And then, there’s the city. It’s quite the place. Huge income inequality. Huge foreign investment. Huge drug money. Huge wealth. Huge poverty. It’s small, so in three blocks you walk from places resembling Miami to slums that are “x”ed out on the map McGill gave us upon arrival. (I went yesterday, however, with the family of the woman who cleans my friend’s house. We ate the best fish I’ve had since I’ve been here and honestly had a ball. I felt like I did when I was in Peru…immersed in the culture of the place.) For us, as we want to be safe and we don’t know many Panamanians, we go to the richy places, which are expensive and not so different from that which you would find in Montreal or Lincoln, for that matter. I still have not freaking danced salsa. Amazing. Also, the transportation system is really crappy. They use old US school buses. They’re all in bad shape and the ride is quite horrible. Since they’re so big, they don’t come around as often as the “combis” in Peru (van type things) and leave for la Ciudad del Saber every hour. I take one home everyday, but to get around the city…well, if we lived there it would be a different thing. Plus, there’s a girl here who just doesn’t want to take them…so when we’re out with her…anyway, the transport system makes the city less accessible, as well. I had a horrible experience with those buses the first time around, and this one isn’t much better!

Okay…so, all of that combined to make me one not-very-happy camper the last few days. Sleeping too much. Eating too much. Great, right? So, I started thinking. The first thought that came to me was to go to Peru. I dream about it and reallllly miss those boys. I would love to go see them. I thought it would be my incentive to stick it out here. But, thinking about the finances of it all, I realized it just wasn’t realistic. Damn. Oh well. Actually, I realized I didn’t have enough money to even stay here, and what a pity to pay so much for something you’re not even really going to enjoy. What’s more, on a tight budget, I’d have an even worse time because I wouldn’t be able to travel or go out…again, not why I came here, not willing to pay for that. So, here’s what I’m going to do: leave early and go home to work with my dad. I will still finish my research and have a paper to submit to McGill, Gorgas, and grad schools. I will still be able to keep my scholarship and get credit for the internship. I will be able to travel and have set up a great itinerary with my Spanish friend, Claudia. I will go home and be able to go to my cousin’s wedding!!!!!!! I will be able to see my folks. I will keep my end of the deal and fund this whole crazy trip by myself. I will have a better time here and a better time there. I’ve spoken with my supervisor and he’s more than okay with it. Now, I just have to make sure those at McGill are fine and I’m set. It’s a huge relief and a responsible/wise plan/compromise. *big sigh*

Peace.

Note about Panama: the language is over affectionate. The woman in my office, where everyone talks to each other with “usted”= formal “you”, just said “cuidese amor”…that’s take care of yourself (formal), love. Amazing.

posted by Marielly @ 8:01 AM 1 comments

Caught in the Rain

As of today, I’ve been in Panama 27 days. That’s awhile, almost a third of the entire time I’ll be here. That’s exciting because the second third is usually when things start taking off, and the third is when it’s all golden. I’m glad the first is over; there hasn’t been much action, but I do have a few things to tell.

1) I got a dog. Yes, yes, I got a dog. Her name is Vera and I got her from Veracrus, which is a town near Panama City. She didn’t have a home and was so skinny. I brought her home without asking my flatmates, but not before taking her to the vet. The roomies weren’t too happy and honestly still aren’t, but I don’t regret it. I would like to say that I’d do things differently the next time, but I don’t think I would, because it’s not really possible; it was completely spur of the moment and had I stopped to ask, it wouldn’t have happened. I thought I’d keep her when I took her. I thought I’d take her back to Canada. Although I question the decision everyday, I really don’t think I can. Even if I could manage her for the year that I’m in Montreal, what happens after? Although, I may be able to find her a family up there. She’s such a peach. But, my flatmates are not happy she’s here and want her out. I’m actually pretty disappointed in them in that regard, disappointed and surprised, but I can’t really judge or say anything because I didn’t ask. I guess some people just aren’t animal people. There is a taxi driver who wants her. She won’t have a princess life with him, but it’ll be better than that she was going to have. If I were to decide to keep her, I’d have to make a lot of sacrifices. I’m lucky, though, the security guards here in Clayton take care of her when I go to work or away for the weekend.

2) Work is going okay. I’m planning my research and have sent the application to McGill for ethical approval. That will take as long as it will take. In the mean time, I’ve been able to spend more time with the dog and have been visiting other projects to see what they’re all about. In this way, I’m going to get a good view and understanding of how health works here in Panama. I’ve actually got to meet quite a few people, all of whom are very warm and helpful. Today, I had a meeting with a man who runs the Vector Control Office for the Metropolitan Area and we talked about their programs to control the mosquito. He said there’s not a lot of Dengue in the native population, which makes me feel like maybe my study isn’t all that important. But, oh well, it’ll be interesting. I’m hoping to really start next week.

3) Isla Grande. This past weekend, we (people from the house and a Spanish girl one of my flatmates works with) to Isla Grande, which is supposedly the spot of choice for city dwellers in Panama to escape. It’s a small island in the Caribbean. J Hehe…YES! I went to the Caribbean. It was amazing; I don’t think I’d ever been in such a nice place before. We went Saturday morning and hung out on the beach, ate, etc. There wasn’t a ton to do, but it was nice all the same. Too bad it was cloudy. Oh well. I went for a walk by myself the next morning (I’m the morning person of the group…) and almost broke my toe! I’m okay though. Phew! The ride there from Panama City cost a whole 6.50$....crazy nothing. I have to pay 3$ to get to work in a taxi!

4) The living situation is just fine. I would never have chosen to live here if I had had the choice because I’d much rather be in the city and close to the action, but it’s safe and tranquil and the security guards love my dog. The house situation is okay. When you throw a bunch of strangers together in an intense situation, things are bound to be tense sometimes. The dog is an issue. The cockroaches are another. We’re all feeling a bit of cabin fever, but I’m hoping that’ll all change soon as we get more orientated and figure out what we want to get out of this and how to do it.

5) Rain. WOW! Intense! Yesterday (and again now) it rained so hard it flooded the streets. I had to run home from the bus station but was still completely drenched…after 3 seconds I was drenched. The rain is amazing but also puts a damper on our experience because we can’t go out when it’s raining and when it floods the streets, even worse. I guess that’s kind of the metaphor for the experience so far: loving it but feeling trapped or stuck at the same time. Luckily, I have my puppy to keep me company ;)

posted by Marielly @ 1:35 PM 1 comments